08.03.08
Posted in General, Humor at 12:00 pm by Hemant Mehta
I can’t seem to find the following in my copies of the Bible… but it’s on the Internets, so it has to be true:
… 2 The owner of the vehicle shall always be the pilot, unless leprosy hath taken his legs. The pilot must always wear a safety girdle. 3 He who wishes to have the second-best seat may only declare so after leaving the door of the temple, the tax collector’s house, a den of iniquity, or any other place. He, too, shall wear a safety girdle. 4 If two men declare the seat at the same time and neither agrees to abide in the back, they shall each kill one bullock and offer its head at the altar…
…
… 11 May it also be known that if it is a man’s birthday, he holds the right to the seat. This is the law. 12 Neither women nor slaves may ever have the second-best seat…
…
… 15 If three men are riding on a camel, they shall follow the same rules but shall take long, hard looks at themselves, because people will suspect they come from Sodom.
(via McSweeney’s)
[tags]Christian[/tags]
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07.28.08
Posted in General, Humor at 3:00 pm by Hemant Mehta
Landover Baptist Church is getting many, many letters from young Christians inquiring about presidential candidate Barack Obama:
“Is Obama really gonna make momma get an abortion? I wanted a little brother and she promised to make one for me!” — Mark Ingram, Age 5, Home Schooled
“Does every Christian family move to Canada if Obama is elected, or is it just everyone on my Daddy’s side?” — Henrietta Rutherford, Age 11, Lynchburg Christian Academy
“Are all the people who don’t vote for John McCain really going to burn in hell and be sodim’isized by giant demons forever and ever? Grandma says it is absolutely true! She says that Pastor Lon Solomon, who is a messianical Jewish is just afraid to say it out loud because he’d lose his gold tithers. Grandma is the best Christian I ever knew!” — Scott Prendergast Jr., Age 11, McLean Bible School, McLean Virginia
And those are just the non-offensive ones.
Here’s Pastor Deacon Fred discussing the kiddies:
“It’s insightful to read how the little ears of Jesus interpret what they hear through Satanic secular media. It gives me great hope in our future! I thought it would be an absolute joy to print some of their questions here on our web site. I’ll bet most of our readers have children asking the same questions! If your kids are asking questions like the ones you read below, it is a sure sign that you are raising your child in accordance with True Christian™ Biblical standards! Praise Jesus!”
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07.19.08
Posted in General, Humor at 4:00 pm by Hemant Mehta
We know bananas scare atheists because they were so intelligently designed.
But what scares theists?
A coconut or a pineapple?
Disco-Igno did the tests.
Which one will cause Ray to start shivering when he passes through the produce isle? Which one will give Kirk some praying pains? Which one will be… THE THEIST’S NIGHTMARE? Only one will remain standing.
This is *way* more comprehensive analysis than you ever thought possible…
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Posted in General, Humor at 1:00 pm by Hemant Mehta
No books were moved for the purposes of this picture. This is actually what the setup looked like at a Borders:
(via lacychenault)
[tags]atheist, atheism, Christianity, Anne Rice[/tags]
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07.16.08
Posted in General, Humor at 6:00 pm by Hemant Mehta
(via QsHouse)
[tags]atheist, atheism[/tags]
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07.07.08
Posted in General, Humor at 3:00 pm by Hemant Mehta
This picture made me smile 
(Click image for larger version)
In case you wanted to check it out for yourself.
(via MarsToSirius)
[tags]Jesus Christ, Christian[/tags]
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06.20.08
Posted in General, Humor at 9:00 pm by Hemant Mehta
Editor B on Flickr writes this caption:
Once, New Orleans was a pious and devout city. Sadly it seems Katrina has turned the city away from God…
He’s jokingly referring to a school — New Orleans Christian Academy — whose name now appears to be quite ironic…
NO Christ: an Academy?
I’d attend.
…
Commenter howieluvzus adds that it’s better than the sign that read “F God”:
[tags]atheist, atheism, Christian, irony[/tags]
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06.12.08
Posted in General, Humor at 12:00 pm by Hemant Mehta
He is in Hungary.
(Thanks to David for the discovery!)
[tags]atheist, atheism, God, Christian, Christianity, Church[/tags]
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05.21.08
Posted in General, Humor at 9:56 pm by Hemant Mehta
Bored?
Then go to Google and see what happens if you type in: will of god…
Oh boy.
I wonder what other unintentional religious search results there are…
(via Reddit)
[tags]atheist, atheism[/tags]
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05.14.08
Posted in General, Humor, Richard Wade at 9:34 pm by Richard Wade
The top Vatican astronomer says that it’s okay to believe in extraterrestrials, that it’s not contrary to the faith and that we should consider them as our brothers.
Jesuit Father Jose Funes, director of the Vatican Observatory, said Christians should consider alien life as an “extraterrestrial brother” and a part of God’s creation.
But wait, it gets better. He says they may not need redemption.
If aliens exist, they may be a different life form that does not need Christ’s redemption, the Vatican’s chief astronomer said.
Asked about implications that the discovery of alien life might pose for Christian redemption, Father Funes cited the Gospel parable of the shepherd who left his flock of 99 sheep in order to search for the one that was lost.
“We who belong to the human race could really be that lost sheep, the sinners who need a pastor,” he said.
“God became man in Jesus in order to save us. So if there are also other intelligent beings, it’s not a given that they need redemption. They might have remained in full friendship with their creator,” he said.
Father Funes went on to say that Christ’s incarnation and sacrifice was a unique and unrepeatable event. But he said he was sure that, if needed, God’s mercy would be offered to aliens, as it was to humans.
That last sentence made my imagination take off like a, well like a rocket.
(cue wiggly “imagination” dissolve)
2012: An alien interstellar spacecraft, not resembling a flying saucer at all but more like an enormous sea urchin on LSD lands in Bellflower, California. Why? Who knows? They’re aliens. Three bizarre machines disembark, each carrying a creature floating in a clear tank of multicolored liquid. The closest thing they resemble is a chambered nautilus but a hundred times weirder. Having monitored our broadcasts for the last 50 light years of their approach to us, they have some ability to translate our language, but it is not very accurate. We are as strange to them as they are to us. People are afraid at first, but after a while they begin to crowd around the creatures in their machine-suits. There seems to be something peaceful and wise about their appearance and their floating, almost dance-like movements. Some people attempt to communicate and the aliens seem to respond at least by turning toward those who are speaking. Understanding is creeping its fragile, tentative way forward when suddenly Ray Comfort breaks through the crowd, introduces himself with a tone of great importance and confronts them with his spiel about sin, salvation and hell fire. (He doesn’t have a banana. Just as well; they have tentacles, not hands.) The aliens’ translation technology struggles to put Ray’s babbling into terms they can comprehend. His name comes out something like “Starlight Pleasure.” With the exception of nouns and a few verbs, most of our words are still incomprehensible to them. When the translation gets to the part about burning in hell the aliens respond to the concept with horror beyond their experience and take it as an immediate threat. Their liquid atmospheres swirl into darker colors. All three turn toward Ray. Black metallic appendages with flat cones come out of the machines and point toward him. The rest of the crowd begins to quietly back away from Ray. The peaceful and wise feeling is gone. Suddenly a staccato blast of extremely loud, extremely low frequency sound pulses turns Ray’s internal organs into mush. He crumples to the ground. The aliens back away from his scrambled body, board their ship and lift off into space. On their way out they mine the solar system with devices that will destroy any of our attempts to go into space beyond orbiting our own planet. They leave this part of the galaxy forever.
Let’s hope any E.T.’s who ever come here are atheists. Imagine them trying to forcibly convert the savages of Earth to their True Faith.
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