Friendly Atheist

08.06.08

They’ve Destroyed the Holy Ghost

Posted in General, Humor at 12:48 am by Hemant Mehta

(via xkcd)

Permalink ~ 8 Comments

08.04.08

The Good Book, Indeed?

Posted in General, Humor at 8:00 pm by Hemant Mehta

In case you needed another reason to pick up a Bible.

This seems like just another book…

Wait a minute… what’s inside…?

Hmm… this must be why those people carry their Bibles everywhere…

Now I know what they mean by “holy water.”

Or maybe I’ll just assume the liquid inside the flask is… umm… Gatorade. Yep. That must be it.

I still think the Rock Hammer Bible from The Shawshank Redemption was cooler.

(Thanks to Bill for the link!)

Permalink ~ 11 Comments

08.03.08

The Book of Leviticus Explains the Rules for Riding Shotgun

Posted in General, Humor at 12:00 pm by Hemant Mehta

I can’t seem to find the following in my copies of the Bible… but it’s on the Internets, so it has to be true:

… 2 The owner of the vehicle shall always be the pilot, unless leprosy hath taken his legs. The pilot must always wear a safety girdle. 3 He who wishes to have the second-best seat may only declare so after leaving the door of the temple, the tax collector’s house, a den of iniquity, or any other place. He, too, shall wear a safety girdle. 4 If two men declare the seat at the same time and neither agrees to abide in the back, they shall each kill one bullock and offer its head at the altar…

…

… 11 May it also be known that if it is a man’s birthday, he holds the right to the seat. This is the law. 12 Neither women nor slaves may ever have the second-best seat…

…

… 15 If three men are riding on a camel, they shall follow the same rules but shall take long, hard looks at themselves, because people will suspect they come from Sodom.

(via McSweeney’s)

[tags]Christian[/tags]

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07.28.08

Religious Children Have Questions About Barack Obama

Posted in General, Humor at 3:00 pm by Hemant Mehta

Landover Baptist Church is getting many, many letters from young Christians inquiring about presidential candidate Barack Obama:

“Is Obama really gonna make momma get an abortion? I wanted a little brother and she promised to make one for me!” — Mark Ingram, Age 5, Home Schooled

“Does every Christian family move to Canada if Obama is elected, or is it just everyone on my Daddy’s side?” — Henrietta Rutherford, Age 11, Lynchburg Christian Academy

“Are all the people who don’t vote for John McCain really going to burn in hell and be sodim’isized by giant demons forever and ever? Grandma says it is absolutely true! She says that Pastor Lon Solomon, who is a messianical Jewish is just afraid to say it out loud because he’d lose his gold tithers. Grandma is the best Christian I ever knew!” — Scott Prendergast Jr., Age 11, McLean Bible School, McLean Virginia

And those are just the non-offensive ones.

Here’s Pastor Deacon Fred discussing the kiddies:

“It’s insightful to read how the little ears of Jesus interpret what they hear through Satanic secular media. It gives me great hope in our future! I thought it would be an absolute joy to print some of their questions here on our web site. I’ll bet most of our readers have children asking the same questions! If your kids are asking questions like the ones you read below, it is a sure sign that you are raising your child in accordance with True Christian™ Biblical standards! Praise Jesus!”

Permalink ~ 20 Comments

07.19.08

The Theist’s Worst Nightmare?

Posted in General, Humor at 4:00 pm by Hemant Mehta

We know bananas scare atheists because they were so intelligently designed.

But what scares theists?

A coconut or a pineapple?

Disco-Igno did the tests.

Which one will cause Ray to start shivering when he passes through the produce isle? Which one will give Kirk some praying pains? Which one will be… THE THEIST’S NIGHTMARE? Only one will remain standing.

This is *way* more comprehensive analysis than you ever thought possible…

Permalink ~ 3 Comments