06.22.09
Best Magic Show Ever?
In five seconds, this goes from cute to horrifying to delicious.
(Thanks to Sam for the link!)
06.20.09
What’s the Alternative to a “Whole Baby”…?
I get a choice at the hospital?! Who knew.
Forget the shirt below. I’m only keeping the left half of my future baby.
Ok, so they’re talking about saying “No” to infant circumcisions… but without explanation, that shirt’s just going to lead to hilarious confusion.
06.15.09
Another Reason to Avoid a Quiverfull of Children
I’ve always said: When babies attack you, you must attack back.
Imagine all 239423 of your children coming after you like this little hellion:
[Mother Hilary Wheeler] Miller also got a fat, black-and-blue lip when [son] Nicholas bit her as an infant. During a later roller-skating outing, he pulled her down and she shattered her right wrist, requiring a cast for two months. Miller also has been sickened with various illnesses that her son picked up at daycare, including strep throat, three rounds of pink eye, and a severe case of bronchitis that took months to treat.
“Never once did I imagine having a child would be hazardous to my health,” she says. Today, though, there’s an “ongoing saga of danger surrounding my life now that I have a child.”
My solution to this: Get the kids to go after each other; may the best baby win. (I’m going to make a great father one day.)
By the way, the lead picture on the MSNBC page is priceless.
(Thanks to Tony for the link!)
06.14.09
Babies and Punching Bags
When programmers make games like this, I imagine they think about who their audience will be…
Surely, atheists are a muse for this programmer…
(Ok, some of you won’t like the game. In which case, move along, there’s nothing to see here…)
(Thanks to Alan for the link!)
06.12.09
Westboro Baptist Church Just Got Stranger…
Give it up to Fred Phelps and the folks at Westboro Baptist Church: They definitely know something about atheists.
Take a look at their explanation for Sunday’s protest at Seattle Pacific University:
Commence Ur trip to hell! We will be on hand at your graduation to ask a few things and point out a few things. Why do you Methodists want to pretend you are going to heaven? You know you threw out the truth of God many years ago. Now you are all about works righteousness, good deeds and such. You have forgotten your first love and gone the way of all the idolatrous perverts around you. Get real, and at least just admit you are all about appearances and could not care less about what God requires of you. The rate of divorce, remarriage and fornication (fag and otherwise) is extremely high amongst your membership. You are in big trouble for this and because you refuse to obey God. This song is really most fitting for you all (Sing it to 50 ways to leave your lover):
The problem is easy if you want to obey God.
Put away your filthy idols and hear ye the rod.
But you love all your sins and follow lying frauds,
There must be 50 ways to eat your baby.
Just give ‘em to the Pope, dope; pass ‘em through the fire — liar.
Fornicate and divorce of course, just listen to me.
Put ‘em on a bun, son. Don’t forget the onion.
Make ‘em take the mark, Clark — and eat your babies.Yes Obama will make official what you religious hypocrites have been doing for several decades now — so get that shocked look off your faces! Deuteronomy 28:53 And thou shalt eat the fruit of thine own body, the flesh of thy sons and of thy daughters, which the LORD thy God hath given thee, in the siege, and in the straitness, wherewith thine enemies shall distress thee: all because you are rebels, and refuse to obey God! AMEN!
They don’t know everything about atheists, though. Who combines babies with onions? No one. That would ruin the taste.
(Thanks to Katherine for the link!)
06.11.09
Cellophane Babies
Who knew babies came freshly wrapped?!
The left one looks very happy.
The right one looks like he just noticed the lack of oxygen…
(Thanks to Claudia for the link!)
06.07.09
Missing Baby Found… Where?!
I grew very excited when I saw the headline.
I gather you can imagine my frustration afterwards… how dare they mislead me that way?!
(Thanks to Nick for the link!)
06.04.09
The BabySafe Ball
One day, I’m going to make an excellent father to my octuplets because of inventions like this:
It brings new meaning to the phrase “a bouncing baby boy.”
(Thanks to Walker for the link!)
06.03.09
Babies: Juggle or Eat?
I don’t know why it took this long for someone to tell me about Barry Louis Polisar:
This man is a genius.
Just check out the lyrics:
I always thought that cows looked prettier in a field
Than on my plate at supper being served up as the meal.
And though I do like hamburger, fried chicken or a steak,
I prefer my chickens cackling to fried, cooked or baked.
I stopped eating animals and I’m glad I finally did;
But I get my protein ’cause I eat kids.
(Thanks to Rick for the link!)
05.25.09
Jelly Babies
If only I had known babies now come in jelly/gummi form…
Ironically, as a vegetarian, I would probably choose not to eat these. Because of the gelatin. The baby-ness is perfectly ok.
(Thanks to Mikel for the link!)
