I know this is fake. It has to be fake. But curse the creators for not providing us with a knowing wink, leaving me with some residual doubt.
The use of the word “unauthroized” in the fine print in the opening seconds of the video helps my case that Prayer Works Interactive isn’t a real company. (Spelling to the rescue!)
Maybe the company’s name is an anagram for something…
Note: When letter writers sign with their first names instead of a pseudonym or nickname, I randomly change their name for added anonymity.
Hello,
A few years ago, I met my biological mother (and siblings, etc.) for the first time at the age of 30. I had been corresponding with her, and one of my sisters, for about a year before hand, during which I found out that she was had a strong xtian faith. I had figured as much, as I was adopted through Catholic Charities. They all know I am an atheist, which is something I don’t hide — no one talks to me about it, or brings up their faith to me.
The first birthday we shared, she got me Blue Like Jazz, a book described as “non-religious thoughts on xtian spirituality” (I gave it away). For Xmas, I got a small, fold up manger decoration. I also got a copy of the book, The Shack, but didn’t realize what it was about at the time. I figured that she was sharing things she enjoyed with me.
When I read The Shack, I started to understand her way of thinking: her faith is not about dogma, just god/jesus’s perfect love and a personal relationship with god. Choosing to “live apart” from god is empty, incomplete, without love or trust, even rebellious- independent in a bad way. All of the explanations/apologetics illustrated how flawed the whole theory of god is. But because she takes god as a fact, and has always been comforted by faith, being without it is truly incomprehensible. I began to feel offended (not the best word) for the first time.
Then, for Easter, I got a typical xtian card from her, but she had also written that she “hoped I would reconsider (god)”. It was only a one line note, but I was very bothered by it. I still can’t put my finger on WHY these things bothered me so much — but it did.
I discussed this with all my atheist friends, and a few that are not, but no one was sure what to do. I am outspoken, but mostly polite, and am baffled by what to do. I toyed with the idea of giving her an atheist philosophy book for every xtian one she gives me (what to give her?), but wasn’t sure if it was a good idea.
Ideally, I would like her to see that it is possible to be happy and complete without god/jesus. I would settle for never getting another xtian card. She is not closed minded or hateful in any way, and I know she is doing this out of love- but it doesn’t make it acceptable.
What would you do? Any ideas why did the card/book bother me so much????
Thanks!
Stephanie
Dear Stephanie,
I always hesitate to hypothesize on the thoughts and motives of people. Speculating about why someone thinks, feels or does something is a risky prospect. Such suppositions should be accompanied by broad and frequent qualifiers. “Maybe, possibly, perhaps, I suppose, I imagine, it could be” keep us humble while playing at being mind readers. We can only know our own minds, and often we’re strangers to parts of ourselves as well.
In the end, even if we are correct, all we have to our question of why we or someone else thinks feels or does something, is a “because.” Having that answer doesn’t automatically change anything. Changing things takes time and work.
However, having some understanding about another’s motives can sometimes help us to find more patience and compassion for them. If we get an accurate glimpse of the emotions behind their actions, we have the chance to empathize, and empathy tends to make any relationship better.
Understanding your own feelings about your mother’s gifts are linked to understanding what may be her motives. So I’ll begin with some highly conditional speculation about your mother first:
She gave you up for adoption under circumstances not stated here. Regardless, I imagine that it was very difficult and even painful for her. She may have a great deal of regret or guilt surrounding that. Then 30 years later you reappear in her life, having been raised by someone else, having had experiences and influences beyond her control. She learns that you are an atheist. She may think that this is one of the things that would have been different if she had been able to raise you. It might be a source of regret or guilt for her, as she wonders how you might have turned out differently. “Would have, could have, and should have, if only” can torment people like harpies. So possibly, she hopes to try to correct something that “went wrong” in her absence. Perhaps, trying to make up for lost time, she wants to give you what she sees as a gift, her faith.
In your description of your understanding of her beliefs, the statement “To live apart from God is empty, incomplete, without love” may hold some special insight into her experience. She had to live apart from you, and it might have felt terribly empty, incomplete, and without love. She knows what that is like, and she doesn’t want that for you.
Stephanie, since main question of your letter is why are you increasingly perturbed by your mother’s religious gifts and remarks, now I’ll do some highly conditional speculation about you. Please accept my apologies in advance if I’m way off, which is quite possible.
You described your feelings as, “offended, (not the best word)” and “very bothered.” I wonder if your feelings could be summed up as “hurt.” Perhaps you think she is making a statement about you by giving you these religious things, and you think it’s not a flattering statement, so your feelings are hurt. Maybe you think she’s saying that you are mistaken, or wrong, or foolish, or immature, or “rebellious-independent in a bad way,” or the worst thing she could possibly say: that now that she’s met you after 30 years, you are a disappointment.
Ouch. That hurts.
Remember, these are only my speculations about your speculations about a third person’s possible statement hidden in her giving you gifts and cards, a statement that may not be be there at all. As I said, guessing what’s in another’s mind this is a risky prospect. It’s probable that none of it is correct, and let’s hope so, because that’s a lot of unnecessary hurt.
Most likely, these gifts are statements about her, rather than you. I think that if your mother has gone through and may still be going through just some of the painful things I’ve postulated, then it’s not likely that her religious gifts mean that she’s judging you disapprovingly. Any disapproval or disappointment she is feeling is probably directed back onto herself.
I think you are on the right track when you say that you know she’s doing this out of love. I would only add that she’s doing it out of love, mixed with sadness, pain and regret, as well as hope for redemption.
I suggest that you receive these things graciously, accepting them as her gestures of love. The only statement about you in them is that clearly, she thinks that you are worthy of love. Enjoy them for that, then discard them, give them away, or put them in a box labeled “Bio Mom’s Love.”
I agree that it is not a good idea for you to give her an atheist philosophy book for every Christian one she gives you, or any tit-for-tat kind of response. It seems clear that you want the relationship to increase in acceptance, not decrease. Sending unwanted things to her would most likely only create a similar kind of upset that you have been experiencing, because she might assume similar unintended meanings of disapproval by you.
Her religion is a large part of her life. My guess is that your atheism is a much smaller part of yours. There is so much more to what you do with your life than not having a belief in gods.
Send her things that reflect your life and what is important to you. For instance, you said that ideally, you would like her to see that it is possible to be happy and complete without God or Jesus. Rather than sending her things to convince her of that, just demonstrate the happiness and completeness that is real for you. I’m guessing that you don’t go out to try to be happy and complete specifically without God or Jesus, you just try to be happy and complete, period. Share your successes in that way with her. Let her feel proud and happy for you. Leave the theism and the atheism out of it entirely; it isn’t that relevant in this relationship, because there’s so much more to you than that.
You have here the opportunity for a relationship with a person who loves you for a very primal reason. You seem to be able to accept her religiosity as simply a part of who and what she is. Reframe her religious gifts and gestures to you, seeing them as expressions of love instead of disapproval of you, and then you can enjoy and return that love unhindered.
Richard
You may send your questions for Richard to 
. All questions will eventually be answered, but not all can be published. There is a large number of requests; please be patient.
There are some atheist blogs out there which treat religious readers and commenters with complete contempt.
I try to stay away from that — and it’s always nice reading comments by atheists on this site that show religious people some kindness and empathy — but no doubt it seeps in from time to time.
Greta Christina believes that when religious people visit atheist websites (or read skeptical magazines or atheist books), they are making their first steps toward atheism whether they know it or not. And we ought to help them with that journey.
… They’re proto-atheists. Any formerly-religious atheist knows that these kinds of doubts and questions and investigations are the first cracks in the foundation of faith. These folks — some of them, anyway, maybe a lot of them — are taking their first steps to atheism.
So what does this mean for atheists?
I think it means we have to be patient.
…
Patience doesn’t mean letting ourselves be kicked around. What it means is remembering that we’re talking to human beings, and treating them as such. It means being rigorously careful about critiquing ideas and beliefs without insulting people… It means remembering that it’s not fair to treat people like they’re stupid just because they’re not familiar with the ideas we’re so intimately familiar with. It means keeping in mind how hard it can be to let go of religion. It means remembering that we’re asking people to abandon a form of comfort they’ve relied on for years… and are asking them to make themselves into one of the most hated groups in the world, and quite possibly to alienate their family and friends, while they’re at it.
Sometimes, treating religious people (and their beliefs) with anything but spite is unbelievably difficult. But it’s necessary if we want to persuade anyone to consider our views.
Greta wrote that after reading a posting by Sarah Braasch at Daylight Atheism — Both pieces are great reads and well worth a few minutes of your time.
By Jesse Galef
I spent the last week filling in for Daniel Florien at UnreasonableFaith. Writing just three posts a day gave me an appreciation for how much time Hemant and Dan put into their blogs, especially given that they have full-time (and then some) jobs. A round of applause is due.
If you don’t read UnreasonableFaith, you should go check it out. I had a few posts I particularly enjoyed writing, including one looking at vigilante justice in our cultural stories (Boondock Saints or Sinners) and one on the similarities between reported alien encounters and demon encounters (Aliens vs Demons).
I was hoping to pick up here at FriendlyAtheist where I left off at UnreasonableFaith: inviting everyone to add me as a friend on facebook and follow me on my nascent twitter account. I’ve been looking to get more involved in the nontheistic community – both online and in person (or IRL as young folks say.)
In that last post I also put up a picture of myself that I’ve been thinking about long time and finally got around to doing:
I figured The Portable Atheist is a fairly recognizable cover. Contrary to what some on facebook are insisting, the starbursts are just my reflective Newbalance logos. It is not God.
For those of you who don’t believe me, feel free to send money and I’ll send you more information – including pictures – of my hol(e)y shoes for you to worship.
The Seal Beach Atheist Meetup Group (in California) recently met up at a place called Hennessy’s Tavern.
It wasn’t long before restaurant management asked the group to remove the sign advertising their group from their table.
Claire Weaver, an organizer of the atheist group, explained it this way:
The manager came over and told us to take the sign down. Flabbergasted, we asked why; she said she’d received several complaints (from who, she wouldn’t say – though the gray-haired man at the bar who kept giving us evil stares definitely aroused our suspicions), and the signs had to go.
What did the sign say that was so offensive?
You won’t believe it.
You may have to sit down for this.
Ready?
Seal Beach Atheists Meeting
… That’s it.
I know. Full of evil.
Mojoey was there and he has contact information for the tavern, in case you’d like to send them a friendly little email.
(via Deep Thoughts)
***Update***: Ray Comfort has agreed to do an email interview for this site. Please leave your questions in the comments and I’ll pass them along to him.
…
Ray Comfort lied about when he would be distributing his anti-evolution version of On the Origin of Species on college campuses. He had said he would be doing the deed today. But….
We had a change of plans. We went in on the 18th.
Was it pre-planned or a last-second change? I don’t know.
This really shouldn’t have been a surprise since Comfort distorts the truth for a living.
In any case, copies of his book are out and we’ve learned quite a bit:
…
It seems he (and his followers) appeared at number of campuses which were not on his original list of 50 schools.
…
The font size of Comfort’s section is far larger than Darwin’s words:
Is it significant? Not necessarily, but there’s no reason you couldn’t have kept the same font size throughout. The only reason I can think of to increase the font for Comfort’s section is so it stretches to 50+ pages.
…
Comfort included several pictures in his section of the book.
The single picture that Darwin included in his original version of On the Origin of Species was omitted.
…
Many of the Secular Student Alliance’s affiliates had planned counter-events to this campaign. The date change meant some groups had to either revise their plans or hold their activities a day later.
So I’m particularly pleased with the SSA’s press release regarding this issue:
“We’re sorry that Mr. Comfort felt he had to mislead everyone just to avoid the counter-efforts of our campus groups,” said August Brunsman, Executive Director of the Secular Student Alliance. “Apparently he thought his deception would only work if nobody was around to tell the truth”…
…
In an attempt to prevent the ministry from tricking college students, the Secular Student Alliance national office assisted affiliated college groups to schedule protests, host speakers, write letters to the editor, show films, and distribute the original version of Darwin’s 150-year old masterpiece. Their plans will go forward despite Comfort’s sudden, unexplained change of dates. The Secular Student Alliance has collected resources to counter Living Waters’ efforts at http://www.secularstudents.org/originintoschools.
“The best way to defeat misinformation is with education,” said Brunsman. “We would have loved to have a peaceful exchange of ideas with the ministry, but we’ll settle for having the last word in students’ minds.”
…
Some people, like Atticus Hannah, found ways to pick up several copies of the book:
I set out to do all I could to keep this immorality away from youngling college students. So I put on my hat, grabbed two bags, tossed on a sweatshirt and headed out to the Ray Comfort people handing out free books at the U. I walked past the first group of people and got a book. I walked past the second group, got a book. I walked past the third group, got a book. Fourth group, book. Fifth, book. Then I doubled around, took off my sweatshirt and hat, and repeated…
I walked away with 22 books. One of which is actually for one of my roommates, one of which is for me. Stitch, in the picture, is posing with all 22 of them.
…
Even some Christians are embarrassed by Comfort:
So, congrats to you Ray Comfort. You have truly surpassed all previous Attie award winners. You have publically slandered a man (Darwin), you have made all Christians look like ignorant boobs, and worst of all, you have caused people to question the validity of Christ through your dishonesty. You were in the zone today, my friend.
…
This just creeps me out… (with Spencer Fern, secretary of the [UCLA] Bruin Alliance of Skeptics and Secularists secretary).
…
Any other thoughts?
Roxanne Westover, a 17-year-old from Ohio, stopped standing for the Pledge of Allegiance after learning in her history class that she didn’t have to.
“I’m an atheist, and I believe the pledge isn’t something toward our nation,” she said. “It’s more like a religious oath, and I believe that if I stand I’m still participating in it.”
Several times, she was “written up and send to the principal’s office” for not following suit and pledging.
The ACLU contacted the school and did their thing. As a result, it looks like there will be no further punishment for Roxanne.
Westover said she encourages others with similar beliefs to stand up for them by sitting down.
“I do encourage students to not stand up and to stand up for what they believe in,” she said. “Even throughout the whole entire thing, I had a lot of people backing me up who felt the same way about it.”
I’m glad she has support — a lot of students don’t.
Roxanne added that her refusal to stand for the pledge had nothing to do with Will Phillips, but she supports what he did.
Let’s hope all these students are setting an example for the rest of their classmates.
Tonight, I’ll be appearing in a panel discussion about the movie Collision which documents a series of debates on the topic: Is Christianity Good for the World?
It features Christopher Hitchens, author of God is Not Great, and evangelical theologian Doug Wilson.
The event is being sponsored by me and The Painted Door, a Chicago church. Following the screening will be a discussion about the movie featuring myself and Chad Meister, editor of of the forthcoming God is Great, God is Good, a refutation of Hitchens’ book.
It’s not a debate. Just a discussion of ideas discussed in the movie.
Tickets cost $5 (you pay when you get there), but you must RSVP here so we can add you to the list.
Here’s the pertinent info:
What: Screening of Collision followed by a panel discussion.
Where: Merit School of Music’s Gottlieb Hall Street, 38 S Peoria St., Chicago, IL 60607
When: Tonight! 7:00 – 9:30 p.m.
Hope you can make it!
The groups that brought you the “classlc” atheist bus ads are back with a billboard message that is sure to spark some great discussions:
Please don’t label me. Let me grow up and choose for myself.
How awesome is that?
It takes a page from Richard Dawkins‘ The God Delusion where he makes a similar point:
At Christmas-time one year my daily newspaper, the Independent, was looking for a seasonal image and found a heart-warmingly ecumenical one at a school nativity play. The Three Wise Men were played by, as the caption glowingly said, Shadbreet (a Sikh), Musharraf (a Muslim) and Adele (a Christian), all aged four. Charming? Heart-warming? No, it is not, it is neither; it is grotesque…
…
Imagine an identical photograph, with the caption changed as follows: “Shadbreet (a Keynesian), Musharaff (a Monetarist) and Adele (a Marxist), all aged four.” Wouldn’t this be a candidate for irate letters of protest? It certainly should be.
Dawkins felt that prematurely labeling children like that was a form of child abuse. Call it extreme, but he had a point. Yet, parents do this all the time without thinking about it. This billboard campaign is all about consciousness-raising, and it accomplishes just that.
Notice the words featured prominently on the billboard, by the way.
Not only do they call out parents who use the term “Protestant Child” or “Catholic Child,” they also point the finger at anyone who would use the terms “Agnostic Child” or “Humanist Child.”
The point is that, by all means, you should educate your child with your morals and values. But there’s a difference between doing that and forcing an entire belief system on a child who doesn’t even have the capability to understand what that entails.
The purpose of this campaign — which, at its core, is not specifically atheistic — is to challenge state-funded faith schools, which by nature label children with a religious label and get taxpayer money to do it.
Help the British Humanist Association (BHA) in its effort to phase out state funded ‘faith’ schools and reform our education system by ensuring we can employ our dedicated campaigns officer against faith schools for another year.
The BHA campaigns for inclusive schools with no religious admissions policies, balanced teaching about different beliefs and values, and no compulsory ‘collective worship’. The BHA also campaigns to combat the growing threat to education from creationism and pseudoscience, as well as for wider improvements to values and moral education across the school curriculum and supports improved Sex and Relationships Education, Citizenship Education and inclusion of Philosophy.
Good for them. As I write this, they’ve raised nearly £9,000 toward their £30,000 fundraising goal.
(via Atheist Bus Campaign)
If you live within driving distance of Missouri State University (Springfield, Missouri) and you want to meet/listen to some of the biggest names in skepticism and atheism, consider attending Skepticon II this weekend!
Just check out who they have there this weekend:
Best of all: The event is free of charge.
Here’s the weekend’s schedule.
It’s sponsored by the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster at Missouri State and donations are always welcome.
(Thanks to Jordan for the link!)
I Sold My Soul on eBay
Jim and Casper Go To Church
