This “respecting others rights to opinions” stuff is sticky. Do any of us REALLY do it? Are we talking about Tolerance = respecting someone’s right to have a different opinion but not necessarily agreeing with it, or this “New Tolerance” = respecting someone’s right to have a different opinion as long as it doesn’t disagree with yours and they admit that your opinion is just as right and possibly much more enlightened and there for renounce there belief as only their opinion and not Truth?

Are there ultimate Truths or not? Can two differing opinions both be right? Is 2+2 really 4? And why? Because you and others agree on that conclusion? What if I disagree? Are you going to laugh at me behind my back?

And do you teach your daughter that the stove is hot and will burn your hand or just let her figure it our on her own?

And I agree with other’s that you are acting extremely hypocritically and should not be surprised your daughter is confused and hurt. But then that would be criticizing you and your choices or actions or beliefs.

Are you shaping her opinions or letting her have her own. At what age is a child ready to be kicked out of the nest? Man, why do we even have kids? It’s a lot of responsibility!

Why do you really care what any of us think? shouldn’t you just figure it out all by your self? And what ever you decide will be your decision so how could it be wrong? Or should we be trying to shape others?

Come on, we all have opinions that’s part of being an individual.

Just a little stream of consciousness, sorry.

But I would seriously like to know how you (any of you) balance all these things. I struggle with it myself.

Pleas don’t just write off my comments, I need answers!

muggle, you’re blowing the “suffering” angle way out of proportion. You’re acting like getting a cold is some personal tragedy rather than a routine inconvenience that happens to most people at least every year or two. It’s like if someone said “If you have faith, God will prevent all injury from befalling you! Renounce all injuries, just like I did!” and immediately after walked into a telephone pole and bruised their forehead. It’s a minor injury, it will be gone in a couple days, and it’s not “cold and unfeeling” to laugh at that sequence of events.

The Mother, I’m glad you’re feeling better about the situation!

SeekingDuck, you may just have proved to muggle that I’m a cold horrible person as I laughed at your scenario.

But truthfully I may be horrible because I would also smile at a lightning hitting a church I think. Though I suppose the mostly have protection for that these days.

But again, I would probably laugh my ass off if God turned out to exist after all.

I don’t really have a lot to add to the proper topic as I think you guys have done a great job.

And being honest, I’d prefer she didn’t believe a fairytale but I know I have no control over that and I don’t tell her that, even if she might be able to read it between the lines.

What I want MOST OF ALL is for her to research her belief and not just believe it because I or anyone else have told her to. I want her to have a reason to believe or not believe. And I’m completely upfront about THAT issue with her!

When having a debate of any kind (even a simple conversation where two people have differing points of view count) you just have to realize that getting angry and / or crying are simply tactics to win said debate.

Try to disarm them apologizing for any percieved personal grievances but remain firm of the facts and the point. Remaining calm and rational and not compromising your points is the only way to handle such a situation. Just remember, crying is literally a strategy for coercion in this situation. And if you stay firm and resolute and don’t let yourself get caught up emotionally you can actually have a very strong impact on someone in that state as well.

I can wholeheartedly agree with the parts not in bold. Remaining calm and sticking to the points is the best response, although quite hard.

Expressions of anger and crying in debates are often caused by emotional response. You could make an argument that indeed they are strategies for coercion in a debate, but not consciously devised strategies, evolved emotional response to social stimuli.

When having a debate of any kind (even a simple conversation where two people have differing points of view count) you just have to realize that getting angry and / or crying are simply tactics to win said debate.

Um… seriously? You’ve never had a disagreement where you got angry except as a strategy to “win”? I’m not sure your take on anger and crying is useful for communicating with most 14-year-olds.

And if you stay firm and resolute and don’t let yourself get caught up emotionally you can actually have a very strong impact on someone in that state as well.

When I was somewhat younger than 14, I had a family member who would say horrible things to me and then when I was reduced to tears, would pull the “Look at how calm I am. Why are you raising your voice?” trick. It did have a strong impact on me, which is why I didn’t speak to him for the last 15 years of his life.

I don’t think the mother here said anything horrible, but that doesn’t mean it’s good to treat the whole conversation as a contest or struggle for rhetorical dominance. The actual family issues are a perfectly normal reason for these kinds of emotions, especially at that age, and writing the whole thing off as a manipulation strategy won’t lead anywhere good…

Try to disarm them apologizing for any percieved personal grievances but remain firm of the facts and the point. Remaining calm and rational and not compromising your points is the only way to handle such a situation. Just remember, crying is literally a strategy for coercion in this situation. And if you stay firm and resolute and don’t let yourself get caught up emotionally you can actually have a very strong impact on someone in that state as well.

I can understand the frustration of holding to your belief system in an atmosphere that must seem hostile. However, I would encourage you to take the higher road.

Your daughter has shown you her pain and vulnerability. Show her respect by honoring her transparency. Apologize and go the extra mile by asking her if there is anything else you have done which has been an attack.

By the way, we’ve heard enough “non-apologies” this weekend from Kanye and Serena. Don’t disqualify yours with a “but you…” if you want her to hear your sincerity.

The Mother, I’m glad you’re feeling better about the situation!

But it’s obvious that the problem is much deeper than that. It’s got to be very hard for you to be in a family like that, but I’d say it’s even worse for your daughter. She’s still a child, still not even sure what she believes in life and her parents don’t agree either (and now that you gave her age that makes it worse – you couldn’t pay me enough to go through puberty again!). It’s a very delicate situation for her.

But from what you wrote, I think you get that. I hope it works out well