Posted by Hemant Mehta in If you’re like me, you’ve received those emails from Christian friends that have a Bible verse in the signature line.
It looks like a variant of the following:
Bob –
The party starts at 7:00 p.m.
– Christian
————————-
John 3:16
Here’s a fun experiment you can try.
Put a Bible verse in your signature line.
But not a famous/inspirational verse.
Instead, cite a passage that makes no sense out-of-context… or showcases something in the Bible that is downright disturbing.
A few examples:
How long will it take any of your friends to notice…?
(via Kevin Roose)
Malachi 2:3 [KJV, of course] is great for all seasons.
I certainly wouldn’t use the last one (Romans 1:27). It sort of makes it seem as if you endorse the Church’s anti-homosexuality agenda. Could be dangerous. Might I suggest Deuteronomy 20:10-17 or Ezekiel 20:25-26?
How about Joel 1:4?
I quite think Song of Solomon 5:4 should have them wagging their eyebrows. The KJV always says it best
How about Ezekiel 23:11-21?
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ezekiel%2023:11-21;&version=31;
It’s a passage that is rarely read aloud in church.
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalms%20137:9&version=9;
I have never understood that one.
Genesis 2:25
I like 2 Kings 2:24
Deuteronomy 22 is full of useful rules for life.
Deuteronomy 22:8
Deuteronomy 22:12
Deuteronomy 22:28-29
Ezekiel 23:20 takes the cake for me.
These are great. I am a big fan of the Song of Solomon. It basically summarizes as “Boobies, Boobies, Oh God how I love Boobies” My mom told me that that one got left out of the mormon bible when she was a kid.
proverbs 5:19
Song of Solomon 8:8
There’s also Deuteronomy 25:11-12.
Was about to say that one, Kay. My favorite, too
How about Isaiah 45:7? I’ve always enjoyed that one.
You forgot Matthew 6:5
5″And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly.
Or–Judges 9:5
5 He went to his father’s home in Ophrah and on one stone murdered his seventy brothers, the sons of Jerub-Baal. But Jotham, the youngest son of Jerub-Baal, escaped by hiding.
Note Jerub-Baal is also known as Gideon so Abimelech, the bastard son of Gideon, got his revenge! Just as I do by throwing out those damn bibles from the hotel rooms. My record is 4 bibles from one hotel!
Dear Protestant fundamentalists,
Did it ever occur to you that your own Scripture declares that it’s not the complete Word of God?
My favorite has always been Genesis 24:34:
“I am Abraham’s servant,” he answered.
As an ex-psycho-fundie-Christian, I’d recommend putting verses from the New Testament. Christians always snap back with “LOLZ TAHTS THE OLD TESTAMENT STUPID, ITS NOT RELEVANT ANYMOAR COZ OF JEEBUS LOL.” So pick New Testament verses, especially some of the golden nuggets dropped by Jesus and Paul. If I come across some brilliant examples not already posted I’ll add them
I’m with Jeff Satterly. Spare the grizzly bear maulings, spoil the child. That’s just the way I was raised: kids need discipline.
@Marcus – there are definitely some gems in the NT. But if anyone gives you lip about OT citations — especially the ones about weird priestly laws — just fire back with Matthew 5:17-18.
when writing to a contractor that has a delay in his delivery, add Leviticus 12:3
“In the eighth day the flesh of his foreskin shall be circumcised”
Now that should convince him that you’re not to be fooled around with!
More seriously, maybe we should start adding parts of the gospel of the FSM to our mails, as an anti thing.
You forgot Psalm 137:9.
You should definitely put it as Ezekiel 23:20 FTW.
As a Christian I did this sort of thing years ago for kicks.
At least I’m glad to see creativity is not dead amongst the atheist community (if a little slow).
I was going to point out some of the more embarrasing ones, but it seems people have beat me to it! Some real gems in the comments here.
Hemant, you have brought me laughter.
Matthew 21:17
Leviticus 1:15 And the priest shall bring it unto the altar, and wring off his head, and burn it on the altar; and the blood thereof shall be wrung out at the side of the altar
So Bob, up for a little animal sacrifice this eveninig?
skepticsannotatedbible.com
This is a great idea, unfortunately I think the verses you chose, Hemant, would be taken by many Christians as, “Yep, it’s good to remind folks if they leave God or do bad things they’ll regret it.”
skepticsannotatedbible.com has some good choices. How about the ones where insects “walk on all fours” or rabbits chew their cud or the one where God destroys some kids for laughing at a bald man? Or any of the mysterious verses involving doing something or other with dung.
I also enjoy the racy Song of Solomon choices.
Gen 25:30: “Boy am I starved! Give me a bite of that red stuff there!” (Kenneth Taylor’s Living Bible paraphrase)
Judges 1:19
And the LORD was with Judah; and he drave out the inhabitants of the mountain; but could not drive out the inhabitants of the valley, because they had chariots of iron.
I now have the idea of adding a koran scripture about killing infidels. That should put them over the top but honestly I’ve only ever gotten one or two and responded that I’m atheist so please don’t send me religious stuff. (including their religious signature implied)
If I was going to do this, I’d have to do Matthew 21:17: “And he left them and went out of the city into Bethany and he lodged there”
lol i like the first one
@GG
That particular verse just isn’t understood by today’s psychological thinking. Today, we consider the heart to be the seat of the emotions. “I love her with all my heart”. During the time that was written, the bowels were considered the seat of emotions. (Related to, for example, “butterflies in my stomach”.)
So, if that had been written today, it would have just read “he moved my heart”. It didn’t mean she had a bowel movement.
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=proverbs%2026:11;&version=31;
Should you have any correspondence with Scotsmen, I would recommend Exodus 20:26.
New Testament Jeebus Quote:
Luke 19:27
Nice chap.
How about Psalm 69? (Which is actually the title of an album by Ministry.)
Ecclesiastes 9:10
Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might.
Ah, yes. The Rev. Schnorr approach.
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Exodus%2021:22;&version=31;
“Exodus 21:22 (New International Version)
22 “If men who are fighting hit a pregnant woman and she gives birth prematurely [a] but there is no serious injury, the offender must be fined whatever the woman’s husband demands and the court allows.
Footnotes:
Exodus 21:22 Or she has a miscarriage ”
Lovely.
My favorite NT verse is Galatians 4:24, wherein Paul tells his flock that the Old Testament doesn’t have to be taken literally.
How about Genesis 6:4
“The Nephilim were on the earth in those days—and also afterward—when the sons of God went to the daughters of men and had children by them. They were the heroes of old, men of renown.”
Deluvian-age virgin births?
How about 1st Samuel Chapter 5?
1 Samuel 18:27
There are some good ones in the NT, including:
Mark 9:1 (end is coming soon, I promise, said J.)
Matthew 21:21 (true faith will move mountain into sea)
Mark 6:5 (J. couldn’t do miracles)
Luke 14:26 (gotta hate everyone but J.)
Mark 14:51-52 (young man, nearly naked, close behind J.)
Mark 7:33 (healing via fingers into ears, spit on tongue)
1 Corinthians 7:27 (don’t get divorced or married)
Luke 18:20 (J. lists the comandments…all 5 of them)
This might be fun at work if a somewhat safe reference is chosen. I mean how can any Christian really be offended by their sacred text and God’s best selling novel.
john 21.:25 doesn’t exist in the new translation of the swedish bible (year 2000)
I wouldn’t hold my breath waiting for your Christian friends to notice. I really don’t think most of them know anything about the Bible other than what they read in Sunday School. The whole effort will be like wetting your pants in a dark suit.
Look what you made me do!
One of my facebook friends posted this:
All a man’s ways seem right to him, but the LORD weighs the heart. Proverbs 21:2
so I commented thus:
Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy babies against the stones. Psalm 137
See how long she remains my facebook friend….