One thing I never understood about this whole “courtship” concept is how you’re supposed to figure out that you even want to court a girl if you’re not supposed to have any contact with her until after you’ve already made a commitment to her? All you’d have to go on is what she looks like and how well she sings in the church choir. Seems like a recipe for a lot of very superficial relationships.

Mike,

While the Quiverfull movement may revolve around these extremes, the “courtship” idea I was presented in my former Christian community was more of the notion that you get to know the girl by talking to her and spending time with her, but always in the company of her family or good Christian friends (she never spent a lot of time with your family of course…definitely a sexist bent). While this is at least better than the type you described, it still creates sort of an artificial environment which can cause the future husband and wife to not know how to relate to each other because they have always had the “crutch” of that community.

Interestingly enough my (still) Christian wife and I spent a lot of time getting to know each other in the midst of a group of friends. This wasn’t necessarily bad (we still have good relationships with most of them), but it caused some tension later on when I “lost my faith” and we had to figure things out on our own. Thankfully, our marriage is pretty strong. I fear for others in this situation who think they may be in love with someone, but are really in love with the community. If they ever leave that community their marriage might not hold up.

Single man looking for woman with boat. Please send picture of boat.

Although in this case, it would be
Single Christian man looking for submissive Christian girl with stove. Please send picture of stove.