Posted by Hemant Mehta in Last time, I ran this contest:
Barack Obama has taken a presidential oath without a Bible. He mentioned non-believers in his Inaugural Address.
In what way will President Obama reach out to atheists next?
Here are the Top 3 answers (with submitters):
3|
In an effort to balance faith-based initiatives, FriendlyAtheist.com becomes eligible for federal grants.
2|
His administration’s position towards “faith-based initiatives” will be “abstinence only”.
(Wes)
1|
I’m afraid it won’t be quite as rosy as many of you depict… you think he’s closing Gitmo? He’s just making space….
(J Myers)
…
Congratulations to the winners! The top three will be receiving specially-made Friendly Atheist wristbands (in the color of their choice), sent to me by blog reader Shauna and her sister Danni!
…
If you’d like to win your own wristband, here is the new contest:
Taking a cue from this list…
Replace any word from the title of, or a line from, a book about atheism… with the word “Pants.”
For example, “The Pants Delusion” or “Atheism: The Case Against Pants.”
(If you use a line from a book, give us the name of the book and the page number!)
Funny and creative answers will have a shot at winning.
Good luck!
Do blogs count?
If so, I think “Friendly Pants” has to be at the top of the list.
(Although “Daylight Pants” has a certain charm to it as well.)
But I think if we’re going to go with book titles, the absolute best has to be:
“Pants: The Failed Hypothesis.”
Carl Sagan: The Demon Haunted Pants
The Little Book of Pants Spirituality.
Expelled: No Pants Allowed
Oh, let’s see if we can do some more.
“Pants Are Not Great: How Clothing Poisons Everything.”
“The End of Pants.”
“Pantsless: How an Evangelical Preacher Became One of America’s Leading Nudists.”
“Why People Wear Weird Pants.”
And this is a stretch, but it’s making me giggle:
The Bertrand Russell classic, “Why I Am Not a Tailor.”
I Don’t Believe in Pants, by Chris Hedges
“The Demon-Haunted World: Science as a Candle in the Pants”
“The Atheist’s Bible: An Illustrious Collection of Irreverent Pants”
“Why I Rejected Pants: A Former Apologist Explains”
How about a favorite quote?
“The fool hath said in his heart, there are no pants.”
“God’s Problem: How the Bible Fails to Answer Our Most Important Question–Why Pants Suffer”
That’s enough for now.
Darwin’s Dangerous Pants by Daniel Dennett
This may not count as an atheist book, but it is written by an atheist, so maybe it counts:
Death from the Pants!: These Are the Ways the Slacks Will End… by Phil Pleat
“Pants: A History” by Jennifer Michael Hecht
“The Pants of Reason” by Thomas Paine
“Living Without Pants: Eupantsophy” by Paul Kurtz
“Sense & Goodness Without Pants: A Defense of Metaphysical Naturalism” by Richard Carrier
“Farewell to Pants: My Reasons for Rejecting the Christian Pants” by Charles Templeton
“The Pantsable Atheist: Essential De-Pantsings for the Nonbeliever” by Christopher Hitchens
“50 Reasons People Give for Pants” by Guy P. Harrison
“I Don’t Have Enough Pants to Be an Atheist” by Norman L. Geisler, Frank Turek, and David Limbaugh
Darwin?! Of course!
“On the Origin of Pants”
Oh gosh, Darwin is a goldmine!
“The Descent of Pants”
“The Voyage of the Pants”
“Pants in Relation to Sex”
“The Expression of Emotions in Man and Pants”
“The Power of Movement in Pants”
“The Formation of Vegetable Mould Through the Action of Pants”
“Insectivorous Pants”
“On the various contrivances by which British and foreign pants are fertilised by insects”
“Pants: A Philosophical Justification” by Michael Martin (replaced the word Atheism)
“Why I Rejected Pants: A Former Apologist Explains” by John W. Loftus (replaced the word Christianity -I think someone said this one already)
“God Is Not Great: How Religion Pantses Everything” by Christopher Hitchens (Replaced the word Poisons. To “pants” as a verb in this case would be to pull someone’s pants down as a prank.)
“Women Without Superstition : No Gods – No Pants”
Included the link in case you doubted.
That title sounds juicy though…
Godless: How a Pantless Preacher Became One of America’s Leading Atheists.
God Doesn’t Believe in Pants: Proof That the Pant Doesn’t Exist
The Atheist’s Way: Living Well without Pants
Why I became an Atheist: A Former Preacher Rejects Pants
Is Christianity Good for the Pants?
Atheist Manifesto: The Case Against Christianity, Judaism, and Pants
and, saving the best for last…
I sold my pants on e-bay.
It’s not an atheist book, but it’s written by an atheist author:
Gödel, Escher, Pants: An Eternal Golden Slack.
Yeah, I push that book a lot on here. :shrug:
How about “Freedom from Pants Foundation”, working to protect the constitutional separation of state and pants.
“Beware of Pants” (cd by Dan Barker “Beware of Dogma”)
I think we should change ‘In God We Trust’ to ‘In Pants We Trust’, at least it’d be closer to the truth for some of us.
‘The Blind Pantsmaker’ – Richard Dawkins
‘Pants to a Christian Nation’ – Sam Harris
Ethics without Pants (by Kai Nelson)
“The Dark Side: How Evangelical Pants Corrupt Love and Truth”
By Valerie Tarico
“The Impossibility of Pants” edited by Michael Martin and Ricki Monnier.
“Pants Defenders: What They Believe and Why They Are Wrong” by S. T. Joshi.
“Why Pants?” by George H. Smith.
“Pants? A Debate Between a Christian and an Atheist” by William Lane Craig and Walter Sinnott-Armstrong.
“Everything You Know About Pants Is Wrong: The Disinformation Guide to Pants” edited by Russ Kick.
Pants, a positive pillar
From Conservapedia:
There are different types of pants, based on different answers to the follwoing questions…
Manifestations of Pants
Attempts to Dilute the Definition of Pants
Biblical Statements Regarding Pants
Claims of the Conditionality and Nonconditionality of Pants
Pants and Communism
Pants and Mass Murder
Pants in America and Charity
Pants and Immoral Views
Pants and Miracles
Pants and Questions of Origins
Pants and Mental and Physical Health
Pants and Deception
Modern Proponents of Pants and Deception
Decline of Pants as an Intellectual Position
Liberal Media – Apostles of Pants
Reasonable Explanations for Pants
Pants and the Existence of Evil
Pants and the Foundation of Modern Science
Impact of the New Pants
Pants and the Bible
Targeting of Young People by Pants on the Internet
Denials that Pants Exist
(Quotes taken from Conservapedia)
Pants is a disease of the soul before it becomes an error of understanding – Plato
If there were no God there would be no pants – G.K. Chesterton
Pants are a crutch for those who cannot bear the reality of God – Tom Stoppard
A pants is a man who believes himself an accident – Francis Thompson
To be a pants requires an indefinitely greater measure of faith than to receive all the great truths which pants would deny – Joseph Addison
Among the repulsions of pants for me has been its drastic un-interestingness as an intellectual position – John Updike
The habit of arguing in support of pants, whether it be done from conviction or in pretense, is a wicked and impious practice – Marcus Tullius Cicero
“You Can Lead Pants to Evidence but You Can’t Make (them) Think” Ray Comfort
Pants: Something to Believe In – Nica Lalli
I contend that we are both pants… – Stephen Roberts
I’m a polypants – there are many gods I don’t believe in – Dan Fouts
There are no pants in foxholes.
Just one more.
“His Dark Pants Trilogy: The Golden Pants, The Subtle Pants, The Amber Pants” by Philip Pullman.
Or three, depending on how you see it
If ignorance of Nature gave birth to pants, then knowledge of Nature is calculated to destroy them.
- Baron d’Holbach
Pants leaves a man to sense, to philosophy, to natural piety, to laws, to reputation – Francis Bacon
Properly read, the bible is the most potent force for pants ever conceived. – Isaac Asimov
No philosophy, no religion, has ever brought so glad a message to the world as this good news of Pants. – Annie Wood Besant
The Invisible Pink Pants
Russell’s Pants
The Flying Pants Monster
The Pants Spaghetti Monster
“Two men panting do more good than a thousand kneeled in prayer”. – proverb
“Pants are the opiate of the masses” — Karl Marx.
“Men will never be truly free until the last despot is strangled with the pants of the last priest” – Dennis Diderot
The newest bus advertisement:
“There’s probably no pants. Now stop worrying and enjoy your life.”
The Cambridge Companion to Pants – Michael Martin, ed.
Pied Piper of Pants: Phillip Pullman and Children’s Fantasy – Pete Vere, Sandra Miesel, and Carl Olson
Pants: A Philosophical Justification – Michael Martin
Everything You Know About Pants is Wrong – Neil Gaiman, Richard Dawkins, and Russ Kick
The Necessity of Pants – Percy Bysshe Shelley
Pants in Our Time – Ignace Lepp
Pants as a Positive Social Force – Raymond W. Converse
Women and Pants: The Ultimate Liberation – Madalyn M. O’Hair
Pants in Pagan Antiquity – A.B. Drachmann
A History of Pants in Britain: From Hobbes to Russell – David Berman
The Presumption of Pants – (the young) Antony Flew
Pants in France – Alan Charles Kors
The Impossibility of Pants – Michael Martin and Ricki Monnier
Pascal’s Pants (or You Bet Your Britches)
Pantsless by Ann Coulter
blog: The Friendly Pants
Blog: Pharyngula: Evolution, development, and random biological ejaculations from a pantsless liberal.
Video: Ray Comfort: “Behold, the atheist’s nightmare, pants!” (Is that a banana in your pants or are you just an atheist?)
Philosophers Without Pants
I Sold my Pants on Ebay
To reverse one of the examples-
Pants: the Case Against God.
The holey pants. (The Holy bible)
The new pants. (the New Testament)
The old pants. (the Old Testament)
The Virgin Pants. (the Virgin Mary)
The Father, the Son, and the holey pants.
(These aren’t books about atheism, but they are good arguments for atheism).
It’s reversing the rules, I know, but I kind of like “Sisterhood of the Traveling Atheists.”
“For removing from me the fear of pants, I am grateful to atheism.” – Isaac Asimov
God Doesn’t Believe In Pants by Ray Comfort
Not sure how many of these have already been used, but:
Pants Wrote the Bible?
Atheism Advanced: Further Pants of a Freethinker
A Call to Sanity: The Collision Between the Existence of Pants and the Non-Existence of Pants from a Rational Atheistic Perspective
The Atheists are Pants (or, The Pants are Revolting)
Atheist Universe: The Thinking Person’s Answer to Christian Pants
“Pants: A Fairy Tale for Nudists” by Ray Comfort
“irreligion: A Mathematician Explains Why The Arguments For Pants Just Don’t Add Up” by John Allen Paulos
Douglas Adams: “Isn’t it enough to see that pants are beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies in the bottom?”
John 3:16: “For God so loved the world that he gave his [pants]…”
“Letting Go of Pants”- Julia Sweeney
A memoir of how one woman learned to live without trousers, slacks, or britches.
“When a man is freed of pants, he has a better chance to live a normal and wholesome life.” – Sigmund Freud
“A wise man proportions his pants to the evidence.” – David Hume (1711-1776)
“It is impossible to reason someone out of pants that he did not reason himself into in the first place.” – Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
Freetailors: A History of American Pants by Susan Jacoby
The Pants of American Unreason by Susan Jacoby
No Pants: Something to Believe In by Nica Lalli
The Pants of Faith by Sam Harris
Letter to (a) Christian Pants by Sam Harris
The Twilight of Atheism: The Rise and Fall of pants in the Modern World.
- Alister McGrath
I Sold My Pants on eBay
50 Pants People Give for Believing in a God
50 Reasons Pants Give for Believing in a God
God is not Pants
You Can Lead An Atheist To Pants
Featuring videos from Pants Condell.
“It is interesting to contemplate a tangled bank, clothed with many pants of many kinds…”
-Charles Darwin, On the Origin of Species
“In the beginning pants were created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.”
-Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
Technically, I suppose neither of those are atheist books, so here’s one more.
“The pants of the Old Testament are arguably the most unpleasant in all fiction…”
-Richard Dawkins, The God Delusion, pg 31
Pants: The Failed Hypothesis: How Science Shows That Pants Do Not Exist (by Victor J. Stenger)
NOVA – Judgement Day: Pants on Trial
Pants lead you to killing people
1) The first line from “Pants and Morals” by B. Russell: “Many people tell us that without belief in pants a man can be neither happy nor virtuous.”
2) There’s probably no God. Now stop worrying and enjoy your pants. (this has the added benefit of possible sponsorship by Dockers)
It’s pants all the way down.
The Pants that Weren’t There a film by Brian Flemming
Dictionary.com:
“Breaking the Pants” by Daniel Dennett
“Losing My Pants” by R.E.M. (not atheist, but still…)
“Pants are regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by the rulers as useful” – Seneca the Younger
“Belief in the supernatural represents a failure of the pants” – Edward Abbey
“What can be asserted without pants, can be dismissed without pants” – Christopher Hitchens
“What has been Christianity’s fruits? Superstition, Bigotry, and Pants.” – James Madison
The Missionary Position: Pants in Theory and Practice – Christopher Hitchens
-”I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own pants.” – Susan B. Anthony
-”I’m a polypantist – there are many pants I don’t believe in.” – Dan Fouts
-”Pants does three things quite effectively: Divides people, Controls people, Deludes people.” – Carlespie Mary Alice McKinney
-”Pants is a non-prophet organization.” – George Carlin
-”To really be free, You need to be free in the pants.” – Alexander Loutsis
Some words from some great atheists!!! And one phrase from a not-so-great book.
-”On the first day, God created pants.”
oops, I meant “On the first day, pants created man.”
God Is Not Pants: How Religion Poisons Everything
The End of Pants
Deliver Us From Pants (documentary about pants-less Catholic Priests)
Jesus Pants
Soldiers in the Army of Pants
“Faith is believing in what you know ain’t pants.” -Mark Twain
“If you want to save your child from pants, you can pray or you can inoculate….Try science.”
-Carl Sagan (The Demon-Haunted World)
“To argue with a person who has renounced the use of pants is like administering medicine to the dead.”
-Thomas Paine
Pants Of All Evil
“Parenting Beyond Belief: On Raising Ethical, Caring Kids Without Pants”
Billboards and bus ads:
Imagine no pants.
Evolve beyond pants.
Don’t believe in pants? You are not alone.
Why believe in a god? Just wear pants for goodness sake.
You can be good without pants.
The God of the Old Testament is arguably the most unpleasant character in pants.
Letting Go Of Pants (Julia Sweeney)
Another reverse:
Sponge Bob Square Atheist
“Treatise on the Pants” by H.L. Mencken.
“Letters from the Pants” by Mark Twain
Page 3 from George Smith’s Atheism: The Case Against God: “Pants [are] probably the least popular – and least understood – philosophical position in America today.”
The Science of Discworld: Darwin’s Pants.
I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: O Lord, make my (enemies) pants ridiculous. And God granted it. — Voltaire
This would be the best of all possible worlds, if there were no (religion) pants in it. – John Adams
I once wanted to become an atheist but I gave up . . . they have no (holidays) pants. – Henny Youngman
(Lighthouses) Pants are more helpful than churches. – Benjamin Franklin
I almost shudder at the thought of alluding to the most fatal example of the abuses of grief which the history of mankind has preserved – (the Cross) Pants. Consider what calamities that engine of grief has produced! — John Adams, in a letter to Thomas Jefferson
No philosophy, no religion, has ever brought so glad a message to the world as this good news of (Atheism) pants. – Annie Wood Besant
Michel Onfray: In Defense of Pants
“In the beginning were the Pants, and the Pants were with God, and the Pants were God.” John 1:1
Robert Ingersoll: “Some Mistakes of Pants”
Thomas Paine: “The Age of Pants”
Sam Harris: “Letter to a Pants Nation”
Mysticism and Pants, by Bertrand Russell
Dialogs Concerning Natural Pants, by David Hume
Groundwork for the Metaphysics of Pants and A Critique of Practical Pants, by Immanuel Kant (this one is debatable, I suppose, but Kant was at the least an unconventional theist by the mores of his time)
Pants: or, All For the Best, by Voltaire
God Emperor of Pants, by Frank Herbert
Pants, the Universe, and Everything, by Douglas Adams
Pants Omens, by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman
Pantsing My Religion: How I Pantsed My Faith Reporting on Religion in America-and Found Unexpected Peace
http://www.amazon.com/Losing-Religion-Reporting-America-Unexpected/dp/0061626813/ref=pd_bbs_sr_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1235000951&sr=8-2
The Incredible Shrinking Pants of Man by Robert M Price.
Deconstructing Pants by Robert M Price
By This Time His Pants Stinketh: The Attempts of William Lane Craig to Exhume Jesus (1997) an essay by Robert M. Price
…one more?
Jesus Christ SuperPants: A Redactional Study of a Modern Gospel by Robert M Price
The Varieties of Scientific Experience: A Personal View of the Search for Pants
women & pants: the ultimate liberation (replaced atheism) by madalyn m. o’hair
mere atheism: no pants…no problem! (replaced gods) by george a. ricker
“The Portable Pants: Essential Leggings for the Pantless” by Christopher Hitchens
Psalm 14:1
The fool hath said in his heart: “There are no pants”
Some of the podcasts I listen to:
60-Second Pants.
Pants of Iron.
Pants of Inquiry
The Pantsless Experience.
The pants have become repetitious, because people haven’t been reading every pant posted.
Life, Sex, and Ideas: The Good Life Without Pants – A.C. Grayling
The Born-Again Skeptic’s Guide to Pants – Ruth Hurmence Green
Losing Faith in Pants: From Preacher to Nudist – Dan Barker
When Pants Become Evil – Charles Kimball
The Happy Pants- Judith Hayes
Against All Pants – A.C. Grayling
The church of jesus christ the pantless. From Slapstick, by the late great Vonnegut.
Startling Revelations From the Lost Pants (Book) of Stan.
Hillarious spoof of old testament in Beware of God, by Shalom Auslander.
Nietzsche: “Away with such Pants! Rather no Pants, rather make one’s fate on one’s own account, rather be a fool, rather be Pants oneself! (Thus spoke Zarathustra – p.228 of Oxford World Classics Graham Parkes translation)
“Pants is dead!” – p. 11 of the same
“I love him who chastens his Pants because he loves his Pants” – p. 14
“I have long known that the Pants would trip me up. Now he is dragging me off to Hell” – p. 17
“Ah, brothers, this Pants that I created was humans’-work and -madness, just like all Pants!” – p. 27
“Yes, if you were Pants, then you could be ashamed of your clothes!” – p.49
“God too has his Pants” – p. 77
ah the joys of studying Nietzsche
Living Without Pants: New Directions for Atheists, Agnostics, Secularists, and the Undecided by Ronald Aronson
What are Pants? A Short Introduction by Douglas E. Krueger
I Don’t Have Enough Pants to be an Atheist, by Norman L. Geisler and Frank Turek.
The Devil’s Pants By Richard Dawkins
From The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (if you think this isn’t a book about atheism, I’d be happy to try to persuade you, I have many reasons for my belief):
“Pants. Don’t talk to me about pants.”
(A play on Martin the Robot’s line.)
xxx
Arthur Dent: I’m sorry, did you just say you needed my pants?
Fook: Yes, to complete the program.
Arthur Dent: Well, you can’t have them, I’m using them!
xxx
(to Zaphod)
“Can we drop your pants for a moment? This is important.”
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