Friendly Atheist by @hemantmehta » She’s Not One of *Those* Christians

She’s Not One of Those Christians

Posted by Hemant Mehta in General on November 19th, 2008 | 11 Comments

A reminder that not all Christians are the same:

I’m Not One Of Those ‘Love Thy Neighbor’ Christians

… I’m a normal Midwestern housewife. I believe in the basic teachings of the Bible and the church. Divorce is forbidden. A woman is to be an obedient subordinate to the male head of the household. If a man lieth down with another man, they shall be taken out and killed. Things everybody can agree on, like the miracle of glossolalia that occurred during Pentecost, when the Apostles were visited by the Holy Spirit, who took the form of cloven tongues of fire hovering just above their heads. You know, basic common sense stuff…

(Thanks to Aaron for the link!)

11 Responses

Travis Morgan Says:

November 19th, 2008 at 11:05 pm
When it comes down to it, all we want is to see every single member of the human race convert to our religion or else be condemned by a jealous and wrathful God to suffer an eternity of agony and torture in the Lake of Fire!

Please tell me that was satire.
Matt Says:

November 19th, 2008 at 11:33 pm
It’s from The Onion so I would have to assume it is.
toomanytribbles Says:

November 20th, 2008 at 12:22 am
oh… whew… saved by the onion favicon.
Richard Wade Says:

November 20th, 2008 at 12:46 am
Satire is funny when it reflects actual reality. This isn’t funny, it’s just spiteful, straw man slander. I don’t see any positive purpose for this kind of bile. We don’t need to lower our standards for entertainment this far.
Jason Says:

November 20th, 2008 at 2:14 am
Actually I think this may represent reality. Google Raani Starnes.
Tony Boling Says:

November 20th, 2008 at 5:21 am
Forget Raani Starnes, google my family!
mikespeir Says:

November 20th, 2008 at 6:18 am
Is she wearing makeup? Hypocrite!
Paul Says:

November 20th, 2008 at 7:07 am
No, Richard. Satire is frightening when it reflects actual reality as accurately as this.
noodleguy Says:

November 20th, 2008 at 8:32 am
@Richard: How is it straw man slander when it reflects actual reality? How is it absurd when it is so close to the truth that people can’t tell if it is satire without the Onion logo sitting there?

You’re right, we don’t need to lower our standards. The actual fundamentalists hold views just as absurd, we don’t need to make up fake ones. There’s plenty of comedy material out there already.
Dustin Says:

November 20th, 2008 at 9:02 am
I’m surprised this made it into the Onion since it’s appears to accurately reflect the beliefs of 5-10% of Americans. It’s just that most of those individuals are not articulate enough to summarize their beliefs in such a tidy and all-encompassing manner. If they are, they generally are fluent enough at using code to prevent looking silly to the untrained ear.

I’m sure this will be funny to a large portion of the Onion’s audience, the part that doesn’t spend most of their time thinking about religion. Fundamentalists usually don’t read the Onion and will probably never see it. Then there are most of us are, either desensitized to this rhetoric and find satire of it pointless or painfully aware of the battle against anti-intellecutalism and are sick of the building of conter-productive straw men.
Allyson Says:

November 20th, 2008 at 10:53 am
I LOL’d when I saw this. Definitely the highlight of my lunch break! Well, that and my Chipotle burrito.