Translation: “I believe as in days of yore that your soul leaves your body every time you sneeze and unless someone nearby says “Bless you” your soul can get lost and might not return to your body.”

My younger son brought this up the other day when he sneezed. I didn’t say anything and he said, “You forgot that superstition”. I said, “What?” Because I had no idea what he was talking about and he said with a grin that meant he was being silly, “You know, the one where you are suppose to say ‘Bless you” or ‘God bless you’ so the person’s soul doesn’t escape their body when they sneeze.” “Oh. That one.” “Well?” Silly grin from him. “Well what?” “Are you going to say it?” – from me. “Oh alright. Bless ya. You want me to throw in some burning incense too?” “Na.”

Then he went on his merry way. Not sure what that was all about, but it was pure silliness and he’s 17. Seemed awfully juvenile to me, but he is at that age where they flip back and forth with mental/emotional maturity. Who knows.

“A-choo!”
“Bless you!”
“A-choo!”
“Bless you!”
“A-choo!”
“Bless you!”

Ad absurdium.

Translation: “I believe as in days of yore that your soul leaves your body every time you sneeze and unless someone nearby says “Bless you” your soul can get lost and might not return to your body.”

Acceptable response: “Thank you.”

Unacceptable response: “When were you born, 1300? Gimme that kleenex. I caught this cold from you when you brought it to work, you selfish jerk.”

(Not recommended to say to employers or co-workers who have a good chance for a promotion.)

What’s God doing in your life?

In my Christian days, I had a friend who would ask me a similar question (what’s God been teaching you since the last time we spoke?) every single time we saw each other. I usually didn’t have a good answer. I would always part ways with the guy feeling guilty and ashamed for not being more “in touch” with God.

“Seek to do God’s will.”

Translation: Blindly grope around for some clue as to what you ought to do from day to day, but mostly depend upon what your preacher told you the Bible meant about this or that, and where the Bible is silent pretty much convince yourself that what you want is what God wants.

Acceptable Response: “Not my will but Thine be done. Amen.”

Unacceptable Response: “Well, now that’s the rub: I’m not clear on what God wants me to do, but everybody else seems to know precisely what that is. I mean, if doing his will is so important, why does he make it so difficult; why doesn’t he just tell me what he wants?”

Alternate Unacceptable Response: “How come people that are doing God’s will assume that they’ll be happy if they do? Doesn’t God, every once in a while, will that certain people live lives that are uncomfortable, or hard, or dreary? Why do people that are having a hard time of it often conclude that they must be doing something wrong, or that they’re not doing His will? Maybe that is His will.”

Translation: Join a church and let the pastor and others in the congregation tell you what to do with all your free time and money. Let the Church mold your children during their formative years to think just like the church wants them to think.

Acceptable Response: I’m so lost and in need of guidance. I want to let go and let Jesus drive.

Unacceptable Response: Who exactly is going to be making the decisions if I turn my life over to Jesus and how can I tell good ideas and advice from bad ones if I don’t think for myself?

“Have you considered letting Jesus into your life?”

Best Answer: “My mommy told me to stay away from strange men.”