05.16.08
God Hates the Following
Here’s one more item you can add to the list of things you wish you came up with first: Stuff God Hates.
For example, God Hates Asia:
… I mostly try to smite Asians as much as I can. I’m always smiting them with tsunamis and earthquakes and volcanoes and plagues and small penis. Why, just last week I hit up China with a ‘quake and Myanmar with a Cyclone. Even still, I only managed to kill a measly 120,000 Asians. Great. Only another 3,999,880,000 more to go.
He also hates onions on pizza:
It’s gotten to the point where I don’t even have to bite into a slice, I can just tell from the smell. When this happens it drives Me into a violent rage I cannot explain – the last time it happened I struck down the CEO of Pizza Hut (by crushing him under his garage door.)
And women:
I HATE WOMEN! I HATE THEM SO MUCH!
They’re rife with design flaws. I mean, sure, they look fabulous and you just want to grab’em and do nasty things. But that doesn’t change the fact that they’re all vile, selfish little whores that scowl at you when you hold the door open for them. And do they ever say thank you?
The answer is: rarely. I’ve watched every instance of this situation since doors were first invented. And women only say thank you 17% of the time. Mostly they just stride through like it’s every man’s job to hold doors open for strange bitches.
God’s one angry dude.
And He hasn’t even mentioned atheists yet.
(via Diary of a Teenage Atheist)
Technorati Tags: atheist, atheism
Popularity: 2% [?]
Ted Goas said,
May 16, 2008 at 6:39 pm
Haha, what is Stuff God Hates? An atheist trying to be funny? Or trying to get a rise out of people?
Asylum Seeker said,
May 16, 2008 at 7:03 pm
Ted Goas said
Yes, it is an atheist making fun of the tendencies of the religious to take liberties with certain Bible passages in order to assert that God despises whatever people, places, or activities suits their argument (most obvious example is Westboro Baptist, but they are an extreme version of a larger trend).
Whether it gets a rise out of people or not is an unrelated issue (grin).
JJ Berg said,
May 16, 2008 at 8:05 pm
Weird, I just arrived at this page from a link on a different site like a few hours ago. God must be sending me a signal.
Spacesocks said,
May 16, 2008 at 9:13 pm
God does talk about atheists on His Q&A page:
QUESTION #7:
Oy Gevalt: “Why did You create atheists? Was it the whole “free will” thing?”
GOD: I did indeed give mankind freewill, or the ability to choose. So you can choose to believe in Me and have eternal life, or you can choose to be an atheist and spend eternity in hell getting raped by demons. It’s up to you.
That God fellow, what a kidder. Because “My way or the highway” is totally a choice.
Nice to know He doesn’t hate us though. Or maybe He’ll get to that.
Freelancer said,
May 17, 2008 at 4:28 am
It’s okay though about the 17% thing, because 9 out of ten women don’t hold the door open for other women, even if they’re holding a child or pushing a stroller or whatever.
This sounds sick, but whenever I’ve been joked about as misogynist (maybe 3 times in my whole life), I’ve always said the following:
“I don’t hate women any more than women do”
I love my girlfriend, and my best friend is a woman, and I treat them as equals, and they’re sure to admit that the female of the species is more self-destructive than any other human subgroup available for advocacy or detriment in the early 21st century.
Matt Stone said,
May 17, 2008 at 6:00 am
So is the god behind this YHWH or Loki?
Stacy said,
May 17, 2008 at 8:29 am
I think whats even funnier are the people who comment that they don’t think this guy is ( or girl) is doing a “good God impression”. Or the ones that call him “immoral” and “immature”. Everyone’s a critic! Just laugh and shut up! lol
Teen Atheist said,
May 17, 2008 at 8:35 pm
Freelancer:
LOVE this quote. Will keep it in my mental Rolodex for future reference.