Strangely enough, it might take until you graduate from college or are on your own to get there.

A lot of this depends on how your family sees you, too. I was always strong-willed and outspoken, so if I had told my mother to knock off the religion crap, well, she was used to my saying things like that, in that way.

I didn’t have to overcome an intolerant family, but at your age I did have to deal with being an atheist in an extremely conservative part of the country, where it can be dangerous to be an atheist, especially a female atheist.

As someone said upthread, I usually followed a don’t ask, don’t tell policy. But it was very hard, because, in that environment, the first thing you’re asked after an introduction is, “What church do you go to?” For a long time, I tried to dance around it. But, after a while, I stopped. I just answered, “I don’t.” Some days, I would endure hearing the sales pitch for their particular church. And sometimes I didn’t. Sometimes, it was something in between.

One thing for sure: you won’t have to deal with only your parents about this. Being an atheist can affect you in the outside world. In some places, you can face losing your job, your apartment, your friends. Even in more tolerant societies, there will be nasty people to face.

And yet so many of us don’t suspend our disbelief. I suppose it’s very much like how gays deal with acceptance in various circumstances. If you’re in Wyoming or East Texas, then maybe you’d better a) never admit anything to anyone if you can help it (easier for atheists than gays) or b) move somewhere more tolerant. I chose b. It’s usually the best.

You can always just be a lax Catholic… or a non-practicing Catholic. Nominally retain the title for your parents benefit, just stop going to church… After they are used to your laxness, you can eventually level with them that you don’t believe in heaven, hell, the saints, and the bodily ascending virgin anymore. I know plenty of lax non-practicing Catholics that for all practical purposes are atheists. But they still kind of consider themselves as Catholics (by upbringing or family tradition) probably for the benefit of their parents. Half of the people in Europe probably fall in this category.

http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=532280

And among his pieces of advice was: Don’t tell them until you don’t need their support any more. If they can kick you out of the house or cut off your tuition, it can wait.

“I don’t believe in it anymore, and Josh doesn’t either!”

Well, the $#!t hit fan then and there. My parents, while not young-earth fundamentalists or going-to-hell catholics, are quite religious. There were heated debates, with them giving me that “i’m disappointed in you, son” look as i explained my logical arguments. At the time, they felt that i was disrespecting them by not attending church. Also, there was the commonplace “you’ll find god when you hit the rocks of life” argument (maybe so, but i can honestly say i have the best coping skills in my family because of my roboticly unemotional thinking).

For about six months after that, they had an enforced church-attendence policy. Which went over like a lead balloon. i visibly sat and sulked through the sermons–didn’t do anything but stand up when the hymns were being sung. eventually the forced attendence became less frequent, and then stopped entirely.

when i stopped going to church alltogether, the youth group leader–a nice guy named kevin–asked why i wasn’t coming anymore. i told him that i felt it was hypocrisy to attend church when i didn’t believe, and if i wasn’t attending i shouldn’t be getting any benefits. I also mentioned the hypocrisy as one of the reasons i didn’t want to attend church with them anymore. It seemed to work. And it was completely true, in both cases.

nowadays, they’re not exactly happy about it, but it’s not an issue anymore. I suppose the moral of the story is this:

i don’t know whether or not you should come out, i never actually had to make that choice–my brother made it for me. but your parents will eventually adjust. time may not heal all wounds, but it blunts all hard feelings. Like others who posted, i’d suggest using the “eventually i’ll convert back” argument (Not neccesarily truthful in my case) and my own “hypocrisy” argument (gives you an ethical reason to not attend). Other than that, you probably know best.

Hatred of homosexuals – in a high school class!?! Wow. That’s really sad and backward, given the stats about how tolerant the majority of young people are about homosexuality.

Karen,

I know, I know. I think the stats are correct. I’m not sure where you live, but this is probably a regional situation. Oddly enough, their parents are probably more intolerant. When some attend college, that will help.

All the best,

Darryl

It’s sad…the other day my high school social studies class was having a (albeit one-sided..I’m in a rural part of Texas) debate over gay marriage, and some students asked me what I would do if my son brought home a high school boyfriend. They seemed utterly shocked that I would accept it and not be angry. Even if I had a problem with homosexuality, I can’t imagine having the level of hate that I saw in their eyes for my own son.

Hatred of homosexuals – in a high school class!?! Wow. That’s really sad and backward, given the stats about how tolerant the majority of young people are about homosexuality.

My kids are teens and their friends – even the Christian ones – are very cool with gay people. It is very sad what hatred and indoctrination will do. I guess we can only hope these kids go away to college and get exposed to some more progressive thinking.

It’s odd how if this situation were reversed, I can’t help thinking that different results would occur. If a “Born-again” Christian or newly-converted Muslim “came out” to their Athiest parent, I’m sure a few would be upset. However, I’m almost certain that most skeptic parents would be supportive. Saddened or intrigued maybe, but loving and gentle.

It’s sad…the other day my high school social studies class was having a (albeit one-sided..I’m in a rural part of Texas) debate over gay marriage, and some students asked me what I would do if my son brought home a high school boyfriend. They seemed utterly shocked that I would accept it and not be angry. Even if I had a problem with homosexuality, I can’t imagine having the level of hate that I saw in their eyes for my own son. Likewise, I can’t understand a parent rejecting their child so harshly for a belief, and a well-thought out one at that.