Posted by Hemant Mehta in Got a punchline…?
Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Stick to the topic of (non-)religion!
[tags]atheist, atheism[/tags]
Complete the Atheist Joke #5
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Aunty.
Aunty who?
Why, Aunty Theocracy, of course!
(commander other is dumpster-diving for the easy ones tonight, sorry)
Atheist knock-knock joke:
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
.
.
.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Police.
Police who?
Police don’t waste your life running a hate site.
A theist.
A theist who?
A theist who believeth the punishment for original sin is eternal damnation will believeth in anything.
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
God
…
Sorry, my mother doesn’t like me talking to imaginary friends.
– Knock Knock
- Whose There?
– … … …
- God Who?
God: Knock knock.
Atheist: Who’s there?
God: No one.
Atheist: Thought so… Do you want some cocoa?
God: No thanks. Sorry to have wasted your time.
Atheist: It’s quite all right.
Knock Know
Who’s there?
Pat Robertson
Ewwww!
(Seriously, he creeps me out)
The Christian Neighbour:
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
…..
OMG IT WAS GOD!
Atheist neighbour:
Knock knock
Who’s there?
OMG DID YOU SEE IT WAS GOD HE JUST KNOCKED ON MY DOOR.
No man, that was me. I was just having fun.
OMG NO IT WAS GOD YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND IT WAS GOD!
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
God.
God?
Yes.
Can I see some ID?
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Nobody.
Why?
Because you were [cue dramatic singing] KNOCK KNOCK KNOCKIN’ ON HEAVEN’S DOO-OOOR!!!
Pat Robertson?
RUN!
Agnostic one:
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Dunno know.
Dunno know who?
Dunno know and you don’t either.
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Jesus
Hitchens, put down that bottle.
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
God.
Prove it.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
The holy spirit.
Well, if you’re the holy spirit, how on earth can you knock?
Excuse me?
Isn’t “spirit” a completely different form of being than the physical?
Um…yes.
And as such, aren’t spirit and matter unable to interact?
Sure.
So how are you able to knock? Or speak? For that matter, if you were the holy spirit, why even bother with the door? Why not just appear in a vision or some other form of hallucination as you’re wont to do?
Um…
This is a bit of a cock-up, isn’t it? Go on, get out of here, you bastard!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Jesus.
Jesus who?
Jesus Christ, would you get this fucking rock out of the way? It’s getting hard to breathe in here!
In honour of Easter.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
PZ Meyers.
Stop right now and get out of here!
Knock. Knock.
Who’s there?
The pizza.
The pizza who?
The pizza your life you wasted believing stupid religious crap.
Knock! Knock!
…Who’s there?
The Jehovah’s Witnesses calling.
…Honey! Where did I put my pistol?
Sorry to bother you! Wrong house!
Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
The mailman. I have a package for you. Who the hell were you expecting?
Knock, Knock.
…Who’s there?
An invisible teacup, a Flying Spaghetti Monster, a self-assembled 747, a pair of dice, a blind watchmaker, and Mt. Improbable.
…Rational arguments who?
Rational arguments who fail to impress despite of solid logic.
[630am at the Romney Household]
KNOCK KNOCK
ugh…where are my glasses…ah there they are….Who’s There?
KNOCK KNOCK
hello? Who’s there?
KNOCK KNOCK
Whos there!?! what is going on! WHO’S THERE
Howja
Howja who?
Howja like being dragged out of bed for this stupid shit.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Have you heard the good news?
*gasp!* Did Obama win the nomination?
Erm, no…
Did the MidOhio Food Bank get a huge monetary donation to solve their supply crisis?
Uh…
Okay…Did they renew “How I Met Your Mother” for another season, maybe?
No.
That’s all I got, man. What the hell is it?
That you can have eternal salvation by accepting Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior or you will burn forever in the fiery pits of hell.
Lemme guess…you watch Fox News?
LMAO!!!
Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
We’re from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day…
SLAM!
Knock knock
Who’s there?
My name is elder Edgar and this is elder Pierson
Elder? You guys are younger than me. Oh, wait. You two are Mormons!
Yes we are.
Well, you better get off of my steps before I give you a magical wedgie.
Amateurs.
The joke is of course:
Knock knock!
….
lol
*Knock knock!*
“Who’s there?”
The Lord
“Lord who?”
Look, you’re going mad. You’re not supposed to ask questions.
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
God.
God who? I mean there’s Buddha, Thor, Zeus, the FSM, the Invisible Pink Unicorn, Yahweh….
“knock knock”
atheist: “since there is no empirical evidence that there is anyone there, I must conclude that the knocking sounds I am hearing have a different, natural, more rational explanation.”
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Jesus.
Oh, Jesus! I have been waiting for you! Did you bring the carne asada and tortillas so Guillermo and Paco will shut up about me converting to Catholicism?