Friendly Atheist

“Tell him that he may not believe in God but God believes in him.”

“Tell him you’ll pray for him.”

“Tell him he’s not being open minded by being skeptical.”

“Splash him with holy water and tell him he’s blessed.”

“You can’t, atheists are already mad.”

Tell him that you can disprove the idea of there being no god, but there is no way he would be able to disprove the existence of god because god simply IS there.

Flush a copy of “The God Delusion” down the toilet. Draw a cartoon featuring Charles Darwin.

Cut her off in traffic.

Poke her with a sharp stick.

Give birth to a baby instead of aborting it.

Show him/her a picture of Kirk Cameron.

Tell him Jesus still loves him.

Tell them Big Bang and Evolution are flawed because you can’t make something out of nothing.

After a delicate life saving operation where your doctor has pulled you through by use of his skills, training, and determination; complete strangers have donated blood or organs; and you have had the singleness of purpose and guts to participate in rehabilitation and treatment regimes , say “I think you should thank god you made it.”

Call her a fool repeatedly and attempt to back up your claim with BANANAS!

Tell them you don’t have enough faith to be an Atheist.

Mention “New Atheism”

Claim you are offended by someone comparing your God to fairies, Santa Clause, or The Flying Spaghetti Monster without addressing the reasons for disbelief in those entities.

Warn them of their impending hellfire appointment.

Call him out on the insidious influence that he has on America’s Christian heritage and culture. Tell him how immoral he is, how he has no basis for morality, and that he is only an atheist so that he can have promiscuous sex with firemen and labradors without feeling guilt for the possibility of our Divine Father’s judgment. Tell him how religion has never done any wrong, how science is a farce, how God is a clear Truth in all things around us, but the foolish atheist just refuses to acknowledge it. And then lament at the persecution that he rains upon your head, and express how typical this behavior is for atheists….

Or just take away his daily roast toddler and sin sandwich…atheists become very agitated when they are not given the freedom to feast upon innocent Christian children, and indulge in their own wretchedness…

Tell him that every atheist is a Christian waiting to be born.

Tell her that she actually believes in god. That is why she calls herself ‘A Theist’.

Tell her all modern technology is due to god working through humans.

When she proves you don’t really follow your god and so, dont believe in him and are an atheist, tell her, “You made some good points. I must be an atheist. Ill pray about this to Jesus tonight and ask for his opinion”.

Tell her, “You are intolerant for refusing to accept my intolerat views”.

Say “If man can artificially impregnate a virgin woman, how hard would that be for god?”

State the bible is literal history.

She tells you that not teaching your children about jesus is child abuse. Says she’s going to call child protective services, and that you’re condemning your child’s immortal soul to hell.

Say to your kids, “C’mon honey, it’s not nice to stare,” as you gently pull them away from the atheist.

kill his dog

Know only one credible scientist and assume the god he’s talking about is the same as yours.

Throw a Bible at her while screaming, “I am filled with Christ’s love!”

I love that movie.

PS I know that she wasn’t really an atheist, but it was still a funny scene.

Tell him or her, “Jesus loves you!” and expectantly await their immediate conversion.

Surprise them with a banana.

You ask them why they don’t believe. They always have some terrible thing that has happened to them. Somethng in their church when they were a kid. Or God didn’t save someone they loved. They died a horrible death, and where was this loving God? Basically, you confront them with the fact that they have always known, God DOES exist, but why wasn’t he there for me?
And that is why they get so angry.