Wow, I really feel for you, you are in a tough spot. I think Richard and Mriana have given you some excellent advice, and I won’t try to better it.

I did want to point out one thing, though, after you said you didn’t want to hurt your boyfriend, and that’s what the stakes are here.

SOMEBODY here is going to get hurt, and that is unavoidable. All you can do is choose who it is.

It might be him, it might be your parents, but I’m very much afraid it’s going to be you, and I would hate to see that. Of all the people involved, you are the least culpable and the most vulnerable, and by far the one with the most to lose.

In a choice between
a) your parent’s feelings are hurt,
b) your fiance’s feelings are hurt,
c) you sacrifice the rest of your life to other people’s feelings,

I’m really hoping you can find a way to avoid c. It’s going to take some strength, and you know what? I’m betting you have it in there somewhere, you just need to find it. Good luck, let us know how it goes….

Like Richard and others here, I’m a bit worried about you.

I may be coming from a strange place because I’m an atheist married to a (progressive) Christian, and I had a religious ceremony at my wedding, but my husband and I talked about these things ahead of time and were able to come to mutual agreement. (We’ve been married 12 years, btw, so a marriage to a Christian can work out!) I am worried because you’re talking about feeling pressured to marry this guy (even if you like him all right), you’re talking about feeling trapped and like you don’t have a say in how things go, and you’re talking about wanting to delay but no one else budging.

I know you don’t want to hurt this guy, but if you consistently feel trapped and you eventually get to the point where you feel the marriage is so oppressive that you need to leave it, it will hurt him far more than if you leave him now. That’s especially true if you end up with kids by the time it happens — then you’d be dragging little lives into the mess. Please, please find someone to talk to who will help you with this decision without pressuring you one way or the other.

My mother is a devout Catholic. I told her that I would have a non-religious wedding. I asked her “if I invited you to a non-religious wedding, would you come?” and she said no, so I did not invite her, or anyone else. (My wife didn’t get along with her parents then and didn’t want them there for various reasons).
So, I married in the courthouse with just the judge and bailiff in attendance and have been married 10 years. I have talked to many people who did big weddings and am absolutely convinced I did it right and I’d do it that way again if it ever comes up.

Now I know why Tammy Wynette never sang that song. Doesn’t scan well. Hating being invited to weddings, it might be a welcome change if elopement became a more common form of marriage ceremony. I’d be willing to give a more expensive present if they didn’t subject me to the ceremony and the reception.

If you get my drift then you must find someone where you live to talk to and to help you find a solution that will not put your health and safety at risk.

Hemant seems to still be up and online. He just posted a new article. Find the grey box called “pages” on the right column near the top of this page. Click on “contact info” and fill out the form, asking Hemant to send me your email address. It is late at night on Sunday where I am, and I think it is mid morning on Tuesday where you are. If we can’t discuss these things privately before I must get some sleep, then I will contact you as soon as I can.

In the meantime you are out numbered and out gunned because of your youth. You need real allies there where you live. Find an adult to talk to, a family member, a teacher, a counselor or social worker. You need someone in your corner closer than a stranger on email.

I do like him a lot and i would never want to hurt him – i just want to be free and not be treated as a china doll. I’ve tried bringing up postponing or cancelling – they arent budging yet