Friendly Atheist

It’s a spoof. But dammit, I laughed.

The premise: The New Atheists are so aggressive, that the different religions are working together in opposition.

“It really started with Jews for Jesus,” says Father Paul Pelletier of St. Columbkill’s parish in the Brighton neighborhood of Boston, referring to the evangelical organization that seeks to convert Jews to Christianity, “but without the Spanish Inquisition” he adds with a chuckle. He has formed a new group–”Catholics for Copernicus”–named after the 16th century Polish astronomer whose conclusion that the sun, not the earth, was the center of the universe contradicted accepted religious dogma. “In retrospect, we really shouldn’t have thrown Galileo in prison for teaching this stuff, but what can we do, other than say ‘My bad’.”

Of course, religions will never unite against atheism. They’re too busy hating each other. Hell, many Christians can’t even get along with people who are of a different denomination.

It reminds me of the Emo Philips joke:

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump. I ran over and said: “Stop. Don’t do it.”

“Why shouldn’t I?” he asked.

“Well, there’s so much to live for!”

“Like what?”

“Are you religious?”

He said, “Yes.”

I said, “Me too. Are you Christian or Buddhist?”

“Christian.”

“Me too. Are you Catholic or Protestant?”

“Protestant.”

“Me too. Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?”

“Baptist.”

“Wow. Me too. Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?”

“Baptist Church of God.”

“Me too. Are you original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?”

“Reformed Baptist Church of God.”

“Me too. Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915?”

He said: “Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915.”

I said: “Die, heretic scum,” and pushed him off.

[tags]atheist, atheism, The Spoof[/tags]