06.04.07
Answer Me JesusTM
I have an addition to my birthday wishlist:
Here’s all you need to know about this toy. The slogan they’re using to promote it is:
Wiser than an ordinary magic 8 ball!
And since a magic 8-ball is as wise as… um… crap-on-a-stick, Jesus must be infinitely wiser.
You do the math.
Wait, it gets better.
Jesus offers 20 different answers to help you choose the righteous path. Ask a question and turn him over the answer you seek magically appears. Your personal Jesus will respond with wisdom such as “Have faith”, “Yes my child”, or “Sinner”.
I can see it now…
“Jesus, my mom is really sick. What should I do?”
“Sinner.”
Thanks, Jesus!
So, to summarize, here’s the current list of things that I want:
- The Evolution vs. Intelligent Design board game
- A nun
- The Inheritance board game
- Answer Me Jesus
- Your mom
(via Bay of Fundie)
Technorati Tags: atheist, atheism, magic 8-ball, Jesus, Evolution vs. Intelligent Design, Answer Me Jesus
Popularity: 3% [?]
Siamang said,
June 4, 2007 at 1:23 am
Am I the only one totally depressed that the phrase “Answer me, Jesus” is a registered trademark?
Richard Wade said,
June 4, 2007 at 2:03 am
“Answer me, Jesus” probably won’t do as well in the stores as “Tickle me Elmo.” I wonder if the figurine is the same scale as “Born again Barbie.” Kids could have a whole action figure modern passion play goin’ on. That bubble gum pink is nauseating.
Obviously this is mainly appealing to the blessed irreverent, but the creepy part to consider is the one in, say 100 who will buy this because of feelings of devotion and wanting to communicate with Jesus.
oooo-EEEEEEE-oooo! (creepy looney sound effect)
Maria said,
June 4, 2007 at 3:01 am
Who made this ridiculous product out?
Einmaliger said,
June 4, 2007 at 4:37 am
I can see it now…
To a “Christian” this answer absolutely makes sense. It probably means that the mother is sick because the asker has sinned. Or she has sinned. Or someone else. Or it refers to a doctor she wants to go to and shouldn’t because he’s a sinner. Maybe the asker just has to wait a few day or weeks until he comes to understand the wisdom and beauty of that warning. Or whatever it is.
Jesus ALWAYS gives clear and accurate answers!
Lee said,
June 4, 2007 at 6:36 am
Ooh, and it’s pink! Does he come in other colors? If so, I want a green one… so Jesus looks like he’s about to puke…
olvlzl, no ism, no ist said,
June 4, 2007 at 7:57 am
Rather stupid PR. I don’t think that it’s likely to hasten the day that an atheist will be elected president.
And why bubblegum pink?
Glob-a-log » Blog Archive » Toy boy said,
June 4, 2007 at 9:25 am
[…] A C of E pastor in Devon Prayed weekly to God for some leaven: We’re sick of Martel’s Blond zombie kartel. Please send us your toy boy from Heaven […]
HappyNat said,
June 4, 2007 at 10:38 am
I would hope the point of a flaming pink jesus magic 8 ball is not to hasten the day an atheist will be elected.
olvlzl, no ism, no ist said,
June 4, 2007 at 11:42 am
Clearly it represents some other aspiration but, as Peter Hitchens proved yesterday, anything like this can turn into an issue for a minority group behind the 8 ball. It’s probably not going to blow up into something serious but it’s not going to be worth the chance if it does.
raincoaster said,
June 4, 2007 at 1:12 pm
Peter Hitchens IS a minority group behind the 8 ball, just ask him. What a princess.
I Soooo want an Ask Jesus Magic 8 Ball, but for now I will have to make do with this Pedophile Jesus light switch:
http://raincoaster.com/2007/03/05/switched-on-jesus/
Jen said,
June 4, 2007 at 2:59 pm
This has to be the best religious piece of crap since I saw a red velvet Jesus bank on some tv show where they had a garage sale. They got $11 because it was so awesome.
But this is much, much better.
Siamang said,
June 4, 2007 at 3:43 pm
It would if after you asked Jesus for something he doubled over with laughter and hit the floor.
Richard Wade said,
June 4, 2007 at 4:08 pm
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Siamang, wherever you go you crack me up!!
stogoe said,
June 4, 2007 at 4:10 pm
Mockery of stupid things and stupid people is its own reward.
spazeboy said,
June 4, 2007 at 5:09 pm
I got one of these as a gift for Valentine’s Day 2006. Ever since, I’ve gotten a 100% response rate from Jesus.
Mriana said,
June 4, 2007 at 8:49 pm
Oh good god!
Now how much stupider can the products get? Seems like a waste of money to me.
terrystorch.com | beta » Blog Archive » links 2007-06-04 said,
June 4, 2007 at 9:40 pm
[…] Answer Me JesusTM from Friendly Atheist by FriendlyAtheist […]
C. L. Hanson said,
June 5, 2007 at 12:18 am
How big is it? Is it made of silicone?
Jus askin’…
Richard Wade said,
June 5, 2007 at 12:28 am
The website says it’s over 11 inches tall and 4 inches wide. I’ts probably made of some kind of tough plastic like the 8-ball.
You know, I just realized without the beard he’d look like a Kuan Yin with heartburn. It makes you think doesn’t it?
Donna said,
June 5, 2007 at 12:30 am
They have an Answer me Buddha too: http://www.answermejesus.com/buddha.asp
Richard Wade said,
June 5, 2007 at 12:48 am
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Oh, where was that when I needed it all those years in the zendo?
Richard Wade said,
June 5, 2007 at 12:58 am
Okay okay, we have to put together an Answer me Atheist. A figure of a guy in a lab coat with a clip board and a pencil behind one ear. The answers could include: (add more if you like)
I don’t have all the answers, you know.
Figure it out for yourself.
Show me.
Latest reasearch points to maybe.
Prove it.
Need more data.
Well, duh!
Look it up on Wikipedia.
Richard Wade said,
June 5, 2007 at 1:19 am
Here’s a few more:
Not falsifiable.
Not verifiable.
Causeless cause doesn’t mean squat.
Quantum doesn’t have anything to do with it.
You really should see a specialist about that.
And the one that should come up the most:
NO dumbass! How many times do I have to tell you, atheism is NOT a religion!
Paul Clifford said,
June 5, 2007 at 7:22 am
To a “Christian” this answer absolutely makes sense. It probably means that the mother is sick because the asker has sinned. Or she has sinned. Or someone else. Or it refers to a doctor she wants to go to and shouldn’t because he’s a sinner. Maybe the asker just has to wait a few day or weeks until he comes to understand the wisdom and beauty of that warning.
Well, actually the response wouldn’t make sense to a Christian. In response to:
Jesus said:
and went on to explain that sickness isn’t a punishment from God, but an opportunity to trust God.
A lot of those responses are very non-Jesus.
Paul
Mriana said,
June 5, 2007 at 7:26 am
You know, the Answer Me Jesus does have one thing going for it, besides making the makers rich and the gullible poor…
It’s pink.
Mriana said,
June 5, 2007 at 7:33 am
Trust me, Hemant, you don’t want my mom. She’s a 62 y.o. fiery redhead from Fundie World who will drive you insane. Ah, but I still love her, even if she is Fundamentally crazy.
Friendly Atheist » What Did Chatty Kathy Just Say…? said,
October 8, 2007 at 11:32 pm
[…] I’m adding this to my gift list. […]
Stacy said,
October 9, 2007 at 2:46 pm
I have fundie friends who gave me this for xmas last year. It’s so fun!
Friendly Atheist » The War on Secularism said,
November 14, 2007 at 11:03 pm
[…] thought I’d made this very clear. For Christmas, I want everything on my gift list. Plus Jennifer […]
Friendly Atheist » NoMasterCard said,
November 29, 2007 at 11:52 pm
[…] Now, start buying me presents! […]
JimboB said,
November 30, 2007 at 10:14 pm
According to their website, this product has been discontinued… was it a lack of sales, or did somebody get offended?
Also, does this mean that ‘Answer Me Jesus’ is a collector’s item now?
Friendly Atheist » Now That’s Blasphemy said,
December 21, 2007 at 5:58 pm
[…] can never look at my Answer Me JesusTM the same way… Technorati Tags: atheist, atheism Share This Popularity: unranked […]
raincoaster said,
February 11, 2008 at 8:13 pm
HEY WAITAGODDAM MINUTE!
How does Jesus offer 20 different answers on an 8-sided die? IT’S A MIRACLE!